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	<title>salman-rushdie &amp;laquo; WordPress.com Tag Feed</title>
	<link>http://wordpress.com/tag/salman-rushdie/</link>
	<description>Feed of posts on WordPress.com tagged "salman-rushdie"</description>
	<pubDate>Thu, 21 Aug 2008 00:26:38 +0000</pubDate>

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<item>
<title><![CDATA[shame]]></title>
<link>http://coromandal.wordpress.com/?p=314</link>
<pubDate>Mon, 18 Aug 2008 20:59:02 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>coromandal</dc:creator>
<guid>http://coromandal.wordpress.com/?p=314</guid>
<description><![CDATA[
Shame leads to violence.  It is like a contagion that at its induction freezes and isolates and tr]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#666699;font-family:Arial;"><a href="http://coromandal.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/salome02.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-315" src="http://coromandal.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/salome02.jpg?w=128" alt="" width="128" height="95" /></a><a href="http://coromandal.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/roh-salome4.jpg"></a><a href="http://coromandal.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/decapitation.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-317" src="http://coromandal.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/decapitation.jpg?w=61" alt="" width="61" height="96" /></a><a href="http://coromandal.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/salome-print-c10097522.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-318" src="http://coromandal.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/salome-print-c10097522.jpg?w=62" alt="" width="62" height="96" /></a></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#666699;font-family:Arial;">Shame leads to violence.<span>  </span>It is like a contagion that at its induction freezes and isolates and traps; and over a lifetime eventually surfaces in rage.<span>  </span>Salman Rushdie’s novel Shame is structured around a real life event of shame:<span>  </span>a father in </span><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#666699;font-family:Arial;">London</span><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#666699;font-family:Arial;"> kills his daughter, in the street, because she has slept with a white boy.<span>  </span>Rushdie changes the story for the book.<span>  </span>In it a father shames his daughter from birth, because he wanted to have a boy.<span>  </span>She becomes a lightening rod for shame with a capacity for holding more and more of it.<span>  </span>And the men around her match her capacity for being shamed with their own capacity for perpetuating it.  Eventually she takes a revenge of sorts, by seducing and decapitating four men.<span>  </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#666699;font-family:Arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#666699;font-family:Arial;">Rushdie’s characters are metaphors for Pakistani politics in the 1970’s.<span>  </span>The phenomenon of shaming and its relationship to violence exists at the micro and macro level.<span>  </span>It is viral and corrupts an individual life and a state at the same time.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#666699;font-family:Arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#666699;font-family:Arial;">Here is a description of the topic of shame in the book, by Abdulrazak Gurnah.<span>  </span>You can read the entire article <a href="http://www.cambridge.org/catalogue/catalogue.asp?isbn=9780521847193&#38;ss=exc">here</a>.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Sufiya Zenobia is born a girl when Raza Hyder wanted a boy. At her birth, he rages at the medical staff as if somehow his anger will force them to change the baby’s gender. Sufiya Zenobia blushes for shame. From the moment of her birth, Sufiya Zenobia is made inadequate, shamed by her gender. As the novel progresses she comes to represent an unavoidable capacity for feeling shame while the world that dictates to her, the world of men, cannot restrain itself from shamelessness. Rushdie’s argument suggests a gendered sense of ‘honour’, a public sense in which men fraudulently disguise cynicism by investing honour in the conduct of women, in the process dictating to them, while conducting themselves with cruelty and self-indulgence. Women, who are required to submit to what has been invested in them and are made inadequate by this submission, feel shame. Sufiya Zenobia cannot prevent herself blushing for shame, and is a literal representation of this gendered condition, which is attenuated further by making her retarded by illness to a permanent mental age of a six-year-old. So her blushes, in other words, are not from a heightened moral sense but the metaphorical conditioning of her gender.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">In Rushdie’s argument, humiliation and shame will inevitably lead to violence, which is as much about the oppression of women in </span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Pakistan</span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;"> (and Islam) as about the whole society. It is Sufiya who demonstrates this argument. The first occasion is when she tears off the heads of 218 turkeys, ‘then reached down into their bodies to draw their guts up through their necks’ (Shame, p.</span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:&#34;"> </span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">138). Later, in the novel’s closing stages, she fulfils what this early outburst of prodigious violence promises. She tempts four nameless men to have sex with her, inverting the right of Muslim men to take four wives, then she pulls their heads off:</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><em><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Shame walks the streets of night. In the slums four youths are transfixed by those appalling eyes, whose deadly yellow fire blows like a wind through the lattice-work of the veil. They follow her to the rubbish-dump of doom, rats to her piper, automata dancing in the all-consuming light from the black-veiled eyes. Down she lies […] Four husbands come and go. Four of them in and out, and then her hands reach for the first boy’s neck. The others stand still and wait their turn.(Shame, p.</span></em><em><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:&#34;"> </span></em><em><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">219)</span></em></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Her humiliation at the hands of men who should have loved her, her father Raza Hyder and her husband Omar Khayyam Shakil, have turned her into a Beast. Rushdie celebrates Sufiya’s violence as liberation, or makes Omar Khayyam Shakil ponder along these lines, but the real force behind this figuration of women is not so much to suggest a route to fulfilment, but to issue a warning to the rulers of </span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Pakistan</span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">. Out of the encounter of shame and shamelessness will come violence. Not surprisingly, Shame was banned in </span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Pakistan</span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">, although it was short-listed for the Booker Prize.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">From The </span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Cambridge</span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;"> Companion to Salman Rushdie</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Edited by Abdulrazak Gurnah </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">University</span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;"> of </span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Kent</span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">, </span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Canterbury</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0;"> </p>
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<title><![CDATA[Review: Vicky Christina Barcelona]]></title>
<link>http://peacefuljitters.wordpress.com/?p=77</link>
<pubDate>Mon, 18 Aug 2008 20:08:37 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>peacefuljitters</dc:creator>
<guid>http://peacefuljitters.wordpress.com/?p=77</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Victor Bello/Weinstein Company
I recently saw Woody Allen&#8217;s latest film, Vicky Christina Barce]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[caption id="attachment_78" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Victor Bello/Weinstein Company"]<a href="http://None"><img class="size-medium wp-image-78" src="http://peacefuljitters.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/15barcelona-600.jpg?w=300" alt="Victor Bello/Weinstein Company" width="300" height="165" /></a>[/caption]
<p>I recently saw <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woody_allen">Woody Allen's</a> latest film, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0497465/"><em>Vicky Christina Barcelona</em></a>.  It was wonderful.  A comedy of errors, <em>VCB</em> follows two young American women, Vicky (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0356017/">Rebecca Hall</a>) and Christina (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0424060/">Scarlett Johansson</a>, in her third straight film with Allen), during their travels around Spain and their journeys in and out of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love">love</a>.</p>
<p>The talented Spanish actor <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Javier_Bardem">Javier Bardem</a>, in his first major role since Anton Chicurh, the sociopathic serial killer in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_Country_for_Old_Men_(film)"><em>No Country for Old Men</em> </a>(2007), plays a celebrated Spanish painter who, with his European romantic charm, attempts to seduce both Vicky and Christina.  <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pen%C3%A9lope_Cruz">Penelope Cruz </a>delivers a great performance as Juan Antonio's deranged, trigger-happy ex-wife.</p>
<p>As Vicky and Christina encounter lust at almost every turn, they slowly start realizing that the idea of "true love" seems drastically far away.  The idea of marriage, or harmonious monogamy, seems to be an unattainable, imagined ideal or concept.</p>
<p>Yet again, Allen has proved that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect">the Coolidge effect</a> is as real as global warming.</p>
<p>As his characters try to resolve their mental tug-of-wars between their superegos and ids, trying to tell the difference between lust and love, Allen presents a film that celebrates the power and passion of spontaneous erotic lust, while at the same time recognizes, solemnly, the inevitable transience of love.</p>
<p>These themes are classic Woody, but they haven't manifested themselves entirely since his work in the late seventies.  <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manhattan_(film)"><em>Manhattan</em> </a>(1979) and <em><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annie_Hall">Annie Hall </a></em>(1977) rank among, in my opinion, Woody's best works.  In the talented Scarlett Johansson, Allen has found his new Diane Keaton.</p>
<p>While his two most recent films, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Match_Point"><em>Match Point</em> </a>(2005) and <em><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scoop_(2006_film)">Scoop</a></em> (2006), are both solid flicks, <em>Vicky Christina Barcelona</em> deserves to be viewed as one of Allen's best.  Oddly enough, Allen, according to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woody_allen">his Wikipedia entry</a>, has said that along with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Purple_Rose_of_Cairo"><em>The Purple Rose of Cairo</em> </a> (1985) and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stardust_Memories"><em>Stardust Memories</em></a><em> </em>(1980), considers <em>Match Point</em> to be one of his best three films.</p>
<p>I find a lot of similarities in the works of Woody Allen and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salman_rushdie">Salman Rushdie</a>.  Allen and Rushdie's texts share, among other things, 1) a fascination with eroticism and seduction; 2) a preoccupation with "the arts" and "high culture"; and finally, 3) an interest in the (love) lives of thinkers, artists and writers (in other words, "cultural producers").  Moreover, both the works of Allen and Rushdie are laced with a high dose of Freudian psychoanalytic theory.</p>
<p>For more on <em>Vicky Christina Barcelona</em>, read <a href="http://movies.nytimes.com/2008/08/15/movies/15barc.html">Manohla Dargis' review of the film</a> for the <em>New York Times</em>.</p>
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<title><![CDATA[James Wood on Hysterical Realism]]></title>
<link>http://disaphorism.wordpress.com/?p=103</link>
<pubDate>Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:07:20 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>disaphorism</dc:creator>
<guid>http://disaphorism.wordpress.com/?p=103</guid>
<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s a bit dated (year 2000), but I love literati super-savant James Wood&#8217;s deconstructi]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It's a bit dated (year 2000), but I love literati super-savant James Wood's deconstruction of the Rushdie-Wolfe-Zadie Smith inhabited subgenre he wittily dubs <a href="http://www.tnr.com/politics/story.html?id=504a27d4-c41b-46e3-97a3-2c586c927117" target="_blank">"hysterical realism."</a></p>
<p style="padding-left:30px;">This is not magical realism. It is hysterical realism. Storytelling has become a kind of grammar in these novels; it is how they structure and drive themselves on. The conventions of realism are not being abolished but, on the contrary, exhausted, and overworked. Appropriately, then, objections are not made at the level of verisimilitude, but at the level of morality: this style of writing is not to be faulted because it lacks reality--the usual charge against botched realism--but because it seems evasive of reality while borrowing from realism itself. It is not a cock-up, but a cover-up.</p>
<p>Lest we go too far down Wood's way, check out Zadie Smith's <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2001/oct/13/fiction.afghanistan" target="_blank">excellent response</a>.</p>
<p style="padding-left:30px;">But even if this were not true, frankly, literature is - or should be - a broad church. Whatever the weaknesses of the various writers Wood mentioned, I don't believe he would wish for a literary landscape missing a book such as Rushdie's Midnight's Children or DeLillo's White Noise; the very books, in fact, which have cast such a tremendous shadow over two generations of American and English fiction. Yes, Jonathan Franzen's soon-to-turn-up The Corrections is a blatant attempt to redress that imbalance and return the intimate voice to a DeLilloesque structure, but I wonder if even that isn't an artificial project. I read Flaubert and Nabokov for the varicoloured intimacies of life; I read Zora Neale Hurston to hear the songs of love and earth, and I read White Noise to experience, yes, a Frankfurt school comedy, in which every boy, girl, man, woman, black, white, lesbian, Jew and Muslim speaks in exactly the same way: like DeLillo. When you pick up DeLillo, you know that's what's coming, just as when you pick up Carver you give up the hope of finding talking dogs or octagonal cheeses. So it goes. (For flippancy and short sentences, Vonnegut's your man.)</p>
<p style="padding-left:30px;">We cannot be all the writers all the time. We can only be who we are. Which leads me to my second point: writers do not write what they want, they write what they can.</p>
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<title><![CDATA[New Yorker Fiction Podcast]]></title>
<link>http://kristynwinters.wordpress.com/?p=81</link>
<pubDate>Sun, 17 Aug 2008 19:26:59 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>kristynwinters</dc:creator>
<guid>http://kristynwinters.wordpress.com/?p=81</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Jeffrey Eugenides is on the New Yorker&#8217;s fiction podcast with Deborah Treisman this month read]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Jeffrey Eugenides is on the <em>New Yorker</em>'s fiction podcast with Deborah Treisman <a href="http://www.newyorker.com/online/podcasts/fiction" target="_blank">this month</a> reading Harold Brodkey's "Spring Fugue."  They talk the anthology Eugenides edited and why he's drawn to Brodkey.  If you've never listened to the <em>New Yorker</em> fiction podcast, do.  There are some lovely writers reading stories not their own, and then a bit of discussion with Treisman.  Beware, though.  Sometimes I find it unsettling to hear an author's voice after I've read their novels.  Fortunately, Eugenides has a nice voice and there was nothing too strange (in the sense of "oh, I didn't imagine him sounding like <em>that</em>").</p>
<p>If you've got some time, or if you have household chores, check out t<a href="http://www.nypl.org/research/chss/pep/pepdesc.cfm?id=4248" target="_blank">his dialogue</a> between Salman Rushdie and Eugenides.  They discuss Rushdie's most recent book among other things.  Eugenides tells a story about trying to visit Rushdie when he was young and had just read <em>Midnight's Children</em>.</p>
<p>Eugenides reminds me why I love good writing.  At the sake of sounding like a spiritual weirdo, there's something transcendent about the sense of awe that comes from brilliant writing.  I think of O'Connor's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Manners-Occasional-Flannery-OConnor/dp/0374508046/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&#38;s=books&#38;qid=1219000769&#38;sr=1-4" target="_blank"><em>Mystery and Manners</em></a>, in which she touches on mystery in religion and literature.  I suppose all good art (whatever that means or however you would define it) brings a person to their knees (hopefully not in idol worship but in appreciation of the creation, perhaps the Creator, too, at least for the Christian [if I were to  digress further, I'd mention <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%201%20;&#38;version=47;" target="_blank">Romans 1:20</a>).  For example, I have never liked swimming.  I don't like getting wet and I'd much rather be running if I have to be active.  But after watching the U.S. Olympic swimmers and Michael Phelps' historic feat last night, I was awestruck by their strength and athleticism and the sheer technicalities of their sport.  Ryan said he's become "a student of swimming" in the last week, and he explained a little about the way the "wake" affects a swimmer.  (Forgive me my ignorance of swimming terminology, and please ignore any blunders.)  At any rate, I think a person can find beauty and meaning in things as vastly different as sport and art and science and even cleaning.  A person who does something well allows others to see the beauty in their work (be it auto mechanics, landscaping, or writing).  I'm reminded of Donald Miller's initial words in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Blue-Like-Jazz-Nonreligious-Spirituality/dp/0785263705/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&#38;s=books&#38;qid=1219000661&#38;sr=8-1" target="_blank"><em>Blue Like Jazz</em></a>.</p>
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<title><![CDATA[My Enchantress...]]></title>
<link>http://mirrorcracked.wordpress.com/?p=307</link>
<pubDate>Sat, 16 Aug 2008 10:59:58 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>Nikhil</dc:creator>
<guid>http://mirrorcracked.wordpress.com/?p=307</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Last weekend, I received a courier from a dear friend, which contained a copy of Salman Rushdie]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignright" src="http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/0803-Dent.jpg" alt="" width="119" height="185" />Last weekend, I received a courier from a dear friend, which contained a copy of <strong>Salman Rushdie's Enchantress of Florence</strong>! I was completely taken aback by this gift! This was a book I've always wanted to read and apparently I'd mentioned it to her sometime, when we were both shopping for books, and she remembered that and bought me the book! It would have been great if she were still in town to hand it over to me personally, but I guess I can't ask for too much! :)</p>
<p>I opened the book and she'd written the sweetest message in it.</p>
<p>She said:</p>
<blockquote><p><span style="color:#333399;">NIkhil,</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#333399;">When the Shah of Persia said a 100 years ago, "Never trust a woman," he was perfectly right. The fact that this book comes to you by courier (instead of delivery-by-hand) and your intention of gifting me that "cute yellow thing that says Ditcher," all stands testimony to the Shah's words! :D</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#333399;">It's been fun knowing you... and its a disaster to know that you'll never let me forget you... Well, I guess I can live with some misgivings! :D</span></p></blockquote>
<p>She didn't give me a chance to reply to these words. I wish I had had more time with her to actually tell her the things I've always wanted to tell her. But I guess, these are the misgivings she talked about. So, in the hope that she reads this, here's my reply:</p>
<blockquote><p><span style="color:#800000;">Friendships are often overrated, and in most cases, a very strong bond takes years to grow and loads of patience to nurture. But in our case, I think it's almost a miracle how quickly we built such a good friendship. It's never happened to me before, and I don't think it'll ever happen again. Some people are just meant to come into our lives, and when you did, I think it was perhaps the best day of my life so far! :D</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#800000;">Thanks for being such a wonderful friend, and thanks for a lovely book and the even lovelier words inside them! I'll treasure this always, more so because it's a gift from you! :)</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#800000;">I'll miss you a lot, and I hope we keep running into each other!</span> <span style="color:#800000;">You truly are my Enchantress!</span> :)</p></blockquote>
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<title><![CDATA[Mind the age gap]]></title>
<link>http://wanobe.wordpress.com/?p=33</link>
<pubDate>Sat, 16 Aug 2008 10:56:23 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>wanobe</dc:creator>
<guid>http://wanobe.wordpress.com/?p=33</guid>
<description><![CDATA[
Twice their age and far less attractive, older men like Ronnie Woods, John Cleese and Salman Rushdi]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h1></h1>
<p>Twice their age and far less attractive, older men like Ronnie Woods, John Cleese and Salman Rushdie continue to attract gorgeous young girlfriends. Wanobe's reporter Sara O'Meara talked to author Judy Astley and others about the appeal of older men and why these relationships are usually doomed.</p>
<p>For many folks, relationships between older men and young woman seem crazy and unnatural. I mean why would a 19-year-old Russian waitress choose to date a man like 61-year-old Ronnie Wood?</p>
<p>But Ronnie's nnot the only older man to bag a younger woman. At 61, Salman Rushdie's latest squeeze is 27, John Cleese recently began dating an American woman aged 34, and 32-year-old DJ Mark Ronson is reportedly planning to marry 19-year-old model Daisy Lowe.</p>
<p>Some beleive that the age gap relationship is a trade off. The younger lady is looking for someone to make her feel safe and the older man is looking for someone who doesn't answer back and is a trophy.</p>
<p>Christine Northam, a counsellor for relationship service Relate, told our reporter that couples with a large age difference need to work harder than most. She says that a large age gap can create a minefield of potential problems.</p>
<p>"Practically and emotionally you're always going to be at different stages of development in terms of your career, your social life and starting a family. Success would entirely depend on exploring these possible areas of conflict and facing them head on."</p>
<p>However, fiction writer Judy Astley who explores the age gap idea in her new romantic novel, Other People's Husbands., believes 'a relationship with a big gap can have an added spark.'</p>
<p>"I know a couple, she's in her 50s and he's over 80. He's kept her fairly balanced, and she's kept him young. He still can dive in to the sea off a high rock."</p>
<p>Now that is what I call cool and living life out loud regardless of age. Check out the full article under the Family category in our News, tips and reviews section. I think in my next blog I'll look at older women with younger men.</p>
<p>Have fun, rock on, friends!</p>
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<title><![CDATA[Books, self-published and otherwise]]></title>
<link>http://tsrosenberg.wordpress.com/?p=165</link>
<pubDate>Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:27:50 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>tsrosenberg</dc:creator>
<guid>http://tsrosenberg.wordpress.com/?p=165</guid>
<description><![CDATA[
A story broke in the UK about a 93-year-old woman who sold her first novel and received pots of mon]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>
A story broke in the UK about a 93-year-old woman who sold her first novel and received pots of money.  Turns out she didn't, because it was a vanity press (which, like most vanity presses, prefers to be called a 'self-publisher').  Finally, the truth is coming out, but of course the corrections won't get half the press attention as the erroneous story, because 'nice old lady brings out self-published book and wants to help her friends avoid care homes' isn't half as newsworthy as 'first novel earns pots of money and encourages the delusions of anyone who thinks self-publishing is the route to riches.'</p>
<p>
(There are plenty of sensible reasons to self-publish, but fame and fortune are not two of them.)</p>
<p>
Anyway, I'm not reading books lately, which is partly because I seem to have picked up a work ethic somewhere and have been working on the novel as well as a couple of freelance projects.  I also haven't been commuting as much these days, and I tend to do a lot of reading on the bus.  This means that it's halfway through the month and I've only read one book - Michael Chabon's <b>The Yiddish Policemen's Union</b>, which seems to be nominated for/winning awards in every possible genre.  I liked it more intellectually than I loved it, if that makes sense, but then at heart it's a police procedural, and those simply don't thrill me.</p>
<p>
Meanwhile, I gave up on <b>Midnight's Children</b>.  I feel ashamed to ditch the Booker of Booker of Bookers or whatever it is, but I slogged halfway in and I just couldn't face getting out the hard way.</p>
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<title><![CDATA[Sir Salman]]></title>
<link>http://jwordsmith.wordpress.com/?p=156</link>
<pubDate>Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:38:14 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>jwordsmith</dc:creator>
<guid>http://jwordsmith.wordpress.com/?p=156</guid>
<description><![CDATA[I never thought much of Salman Rushdie as a celebrity and I don&#8217;t know much about his writing,]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I never thought much of Salman Rushdie as a celebrity and I don't know much about his writing, given that I'm only part-way into his latest book and haven't read any of his stuff before....</p>
<p>[pauses for breath]</p>
<p>BUT</p>
<p>I've been listening to a talk he gave at the Free Library of Philadelphia recently and it's like a masterclass in fiction writing.</p>
<p>He's is surprisingly unpretentious, self-deprecating, and generous with praise and advice. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in writing fiction.</p>
<p><a href="http://libwww.library.phila.gov/podcast/media/20080626-salmanr.mp3">Salman Rushdie at the Free Library</a> (right click to save it to your hard-drive, unless you're on one of those new-fangled "MacIntosh" things in which case you'll have to work your own voodoo...)</p>
<p>It's not a 'how-to', but it is one of those experiences that <a title="blog posts on inspiration" href="http://jwordsmith.livejournal.com/tag/inspiration">makes you want to jump up and run to your notebook</a> and write your own novel.</p>
<p>I love that.</p>
<p>Thanks, Sir Salman!</p>
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<title><![CDATA[My beautiful London]]></title>
<link>http://asianwindow.wordpress.com/?p=2317</link>
<pubDate>Wed, 13 Aug 2008 14:11:01 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>asianwindow</dc:creator>
<guid>http://asianwindow.wordpress.com/?p=2317</guid>
<description><![CDATA[His films and novels are filled with raucous sex, drugs and rock &#8216;n&#8217; roll. This Spring, ]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>His films and novels are filled with raucous sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. This Spring, the 53-year-old <strong>Hanif Kureishi</strong> received a knighthood from Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace. Not bad going for a London suburban lad, writes <strong>Rachel Donadio</strong> in the <em>New York Times Magazine</em> [via <em><a title="3QD" href="http://www.3quarksdaily.com/" target="_blank">3QuarksDaily</a></em>]</p>
<p style="padding-left:30px;"><a title="NYT Magazine" href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/10/magazine/10kureishi-t.html?_r=2&#38;ref=magazine&#38;oref=slogin&#38;oref=slogin" target="_blank"><img class="alignright size-medium wp-image-2318" src="http://asianwindow.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/hanif.jpg?w=190" alt="" width="190" height="234" /></a>One of the most revealing insights into Britain’s recent social history comes early in “My Son the Fanatic,” <a title="More articles about Hanif Kureishi." href="http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/people/k/hanif_kureishi/index.html?inline=nyt-per"><span style="color:#004276;">Hanif Kureishi</span></a>’s tender and darkly prescient 1997 film. It’s morning in an unnamed city in northern England, and Parvez, a secular Pakistani immigrant taxi driver brilliantly portrayed by <a href="http://movies.nytimes.com/person/58081/Om-Puri?inline=nyt-per"><span style="color:#004276;">Om Puri</span></a>, watches Farid, his increasingly devout college-age son, sell his electric guitar. “Where is that going?” Parvez asks Farid as the buyer drives off. “You used to love making a terrible noise with these instruments!” Farid, played by Akbar Kurtha, looks at his father with irritation. “You always said there were more important things than ‘Stairway to Heaven,’ ” he says impatiently in his thick northern English accent. “You couldn’t have been more right.”</p>
<p style="padding-left:30px;">This seemingly casual exchange cuts to the heart of almost everything that has animated Kureishi in nearly three decades as a playwright, screenwriter, novelist and essayist. This is, after all, the man who co-edited “The Faber Book of Pop” and whose films and novels — including “My Beautiful Laundrette” and “The Buddha of Suburbia” — are filled with raucous sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll. But this is also the man who had the presence of mind to poke around in English mosques in the late ’80s and early ’90s, sensing that something might be stirring there, as indeed it was. Kureishi’s novel “The Black Album,” set in 1989 and named after a Prince album, explored the growing discontent, disenfranchisement and radicalism of some young British Muslims.</p>
<p style="padding-left:30px;"><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/10/magazine/10kureishi-t.html?_r=2&#38;ref=magazine&#38;oref=slogin&#38;oref=slogin">more</a></p>
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<title><![CDATA[Call for compensation after shelving of Islam novel]]></title>
<link>http://5pillar.wordpress.com/?p=2071</link>
<pubDate>Tue, 12 Aug 2008 22:43:23 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>5-Pillar Scribe</dc:creator>
<guid>http://5pillar.wordpress.com/?p=2071</guid>
<description><![CDATA[http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/aug/12/islam - &#8230;Jones&#8217;s The Jewel of Medina was de]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/aug/12/islam">http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/aug/12/islam</a> - ...Jones's The Jewel of Medina was described as potentially more controversial than both Rushdie's novel The Satanic Verses and the Danish newspaper cartoons of Muhammad. <a href="http://http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/aug/12/islam">&#62;&#62;&#62;&#62;&#62;</a></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="color:#008000;">This dangerous publicity stunt only works for sheep; who will later be conditioned to act like wolves.</span></p></blockquote>
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<title><![CDATA[Anwar Ibrahim menipu untuk memperjuangkan Islam]]></title>
<link>http://cekka.wordpress.com/?p=441</link>
<pubDate>Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:48:50 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>cekka</dc:creator>
<guid>http://cekka.wordpress.com/?p=441</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Anwar Ibrahim.. semakin hari semakin menyampah. Bukan Pak Lah sahaja yang &#8216;flip-flop&#8217;, A]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align:justify;"><a href="http://cekka.wordpress.com/files/2008/07/kanta2.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-301" src="http://cekka.wordpress.com/files/2008/07/kanta2.jpg?w=150" alt="" width="81" height="81" /></a>Anwar Ibrahim.. semakin hari semakin menyampah. Bukan Pak Lah sahaja yang 'flip-flop', Anwar pun juga dah 'flip-flop'. Apabila bersama orang India dan Cina, Anwar lantang bersuara, dialah pejuang kesama-rataan bangsa dan agama. Apabila bersama orang Melayu, dialah pejuang agama dan Melayu.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Secara jujurnya, ambo banyak membaca berita Anwar dari Anwaribrahimdotcom.blogspot.com..</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Blogger ini banyak memberi fakta-fakta kontra mengenai Anwar dengan fakta dan sumber yang boleh diterima secara logik dan ilmiah. Ketepikan sikap prejudisnya kepada Anwar, tetapi bacalah dengan mata hati anda sendiri.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Salah satu artikel yang membuatkan ambo sesak nafas ialah artikel Anwar menyokong Salman Rushdie, yang menghina Al-Quran. Terlintas difikiran ambo ini.. Anwar ini gila populariti sangatkah? Sanggup meludah Islam asalkan popular di kacamata Barat.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><!--more--></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Anda boleh baca artikel AIDC <span style="color:#339966;"><a href="http://anwaribrahimdotcom.blogspot.com/2008/08/kenapa-anwar-sokong-salman-rusdie.html">-disini-</a></span> ataupun anda boleh baca terus...</p>
<h2 style="text-align:justify;">Kenapa Anwar Ibrahim Sokong Salman Rushdie?</h2>
<div class="mceTemp mceIEcenter" style="text-align:justify;">
<dl class="wp-caption aligncenter">
<dt class="wp-caption-dt"><a href="http://cekka.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/anwarsalmanrushdie.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-440" src="http://cekka.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/anwarsalmanrushdie.jpg?w=300" alt="imej dari anwaribrahimdotcom.blogspot.com" width="300" height="230" /></a></dt>
<dd class="wp-caption-dd">imej dari anwaribrahimdotcom.blogspot.com</dd>
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<p style="text-align:justify;">1.  Menurut buku yg ditulis oleh Allahyarham Ikhwan Nasir, beliau kata Anwar pernah menentang keputusan Ayatollah Khomenei yang menjatuhkan hukuman bunuh terhadap penulis buku Satanic Versus iaitu Salman Rusdie</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><span class="fullpost">Sikap Anwar tidaklah patut kerana dia seorang Islam. Kata Anwar di dalam majalah ASIAWEEK dalam temubual dengan wartawan Roger Mitton dan tersiar pada 11 November 1993, Anwar berkata:</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="color:#339966;"><span class="fullpost"><em>"Saya telah membaca <strong>The Satanic Verses</strong>. Bagi saya, beliau adalah seorang karyawan yang amat mendalam pengetahuannya. Saya tidak bersetuju dengan Khomenei mengenai The Satanic Verses. Tetapi ia perlu diberikan penelitian berikut. Pertama, penulisan buku ini merupakan hasil sastera. Kedua, bagi saya apa2 hukuman ke atas seorang pesalah perlulah diputuskan oleh sebuah mahkamah undang2..keputusan seumpama ini amat sukar kerana sekiranya TIDAK ADA KEBEBASAN BERFIKIR, orang ramai akan merasa terugut bilamana mereka menyentuh hal-hal yang dianggap sensitif".</em></span></span></p></blockquote>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><em></em></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Apa bezanya kes Salman Rusdie dengan ahli parlimen Denmark yang menerbitkan video FITNA, tapi kenapa anwar sokong Salman Rusdie tu?</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">2.  Dr Haron Din pernah berkata di dalam majalah MASSA terbitan utusan Melayu (M) Bhd yang mengatakan DNA dan Forensik boleh digunakan untuk kes-kes JENAYAH SYARIAH. Ini amat membantu bagi merungkai masalah pertembungan antara mufti Perlis dan mufti Perak yang berkeras meminta 4 saksi tuduhan Saiful Bahari terhadap tuduhan liwat oleh Anwar.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Haron Din kata BOLEH digunakan kaedah forensik. Jadi, mengapa pula pak-pak mufti bertelagah dalam hal ini. Saya tidak ingat bulan bila diterbitkan, tapi cuba cari MASSA terbitan 1997 atau 1998, tapi yg pasti sebelum kes anwar terbongkar pd 98. gambar Haron Din tertera dimuka depan majalah.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">3.Berkaitan akuan berkanun Dato Murad (Bekas Penolong Bank Negara) pada 1998 yg mengatakan Anwar ada meyumbang sebanyak USD100juta kpd bekas agen CIA yang waktu itu bertugas sebagai presiden Yayasan Kepimpinan (saya tak ingat nama penuh).</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Sumbangan Anwar kpd yayasan tersebut menunjukkan dia ada hubungkait dgn CIA, tapi Anwar nafikan ia myumbang wang kpd yayasan tsebut. Wlaubgmnapun, beberapa hari kemudian presiden yayasan MENGAKU menerima wang sumbangan Anwar, cuma dia TIDAK BERSETUJU dengan jumlah yg dinyatakan dlm akuan bkanun Dato Murad. Katanya, "jumlah yang saya terima adalah kurang dari yang disebut".</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Maknanya, presiden mgesahkan dia ADA TERIMA WANG. tak kisahlah jumlah tepat atau tidak, tapi yg penting MEMANG SAH anwar bg duit. Perkara ini dinyatakan dalam ruangan kecil dalam akhbar (tak ingat utusan atau berita harian). tapi jelas dalam tempoh 3 minggu selepas akuan berkanun Dato Murad keluar dalam berita.</p>
<h2 style="text-align:justify;">Apakah intipati The Satanic Verses?</h2>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Salah seorang blogger telah memberi komen kepada artikel AIDC ini, dan menyatakan inti-pati kandungan The Satanic Verses, antaranya..</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">(1).  Wahyu yang diturunkan kepada Rasulullah adalah dihantar oleh Syaitan dan seterusnya, Rasulullah tertipu dengan wahyu tersebut. Kemudian, Rasulullah menyampaikan wahyu tersebut sebagai ayat atau surah dalam Al-Quran2.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">(2).  Pusat Pelacuran di Kota Mekah diuruskan oleh kesemua isteri Rasulullah</p>
<p>(3).  Salahuddin Al-Ayubi, Panglima Perang Islam dalam Perang Salib dikatakan sebagai syaitan.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><span style="color:#339966;">Apakah Anwar sedar apa yang diperkatakan kepada Newsweek? Telahan ambo cuma satu.. Anwar sanggup menyokong Salman dan melekehkan Islam kerana mahu popular kepada media Barat. </span></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><span style="color:#339966;">(Ya Allah.. sekiranya benar Anwar berkata demikian, Engkau laknatilah orang ini yang menghina Kalam-Mu dan janganlah Engkau angkatkannya sebagai pemimpin kami. Amin..)</span></p>
<h2 style="text-align:justify;">Anwar dan Gila Kuasanya</h2>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Mufti Kerajaan Negeri Perlis, Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin, menjelaskan di dalam artikelnya tentang larangan Islam terhadap kegilaan kita kepada kuasa.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Kegilaan kuasa adalah lambang kedangkalan tentang hakikat kehidupan dunia dan akhirat. Mungkin jika perkara ini disebut kepada orang politik mereka kata “itu cakap yang tidak canggih dalam politik”.</p>
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<div style="color:#ffffff;">Politik yang sepatutnya merupakan usaha menggabungkan tenaga untuk memikir kebaikan umat dan merancang masa depan yang lebih diredai untuk masyarakat dan negara telah bertukar menjadi medan ‘londeh-melondeh’ antara satu sama lain. Caci-maki, kata-nista, tuduh-menuduh telah menghiasi corak politik warisan penjajah ini. Penyakit ini dihidapi termasuklah yang menggunakan nama Islam dalam berpolitik. Akhirnya, kerana kuasa, banyak prinsip dan nas yang sudah dilupakan.</div>
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<p style="text-align:justify;">Namun mereka lupa, sistem politik perebutan kuasa warisan demokrasi penjajah yang meninggalkan keharmonian sistem Syura dalam Islam itulah yang telah membawa politik kita ke kancah permainan wang, permusuhan, pragmatisme yang melupai prinsip dan segala keburukan yang lain.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Sabda Nabi SAW: Kamu semua begitu bercita-cita terhadap jawatan kepimpinan, ia akan menjadi penyesalan pada hari kiamat. Ia sesuatu yang nikmat pada permulaannya tapi keburukan pada akhirnya” (Riwayat al-Bukhari).</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Dalam Islam, tanggungjawab kita membaiki keadaan politik, bukan menggilai kuasa politik jatuh ke tangan sendiri. Apabila kuasa itu menjadi kegilaan, maka kawan akan tikam kawan, sahabat akan bunuh sahabat, yang berpakat akan berpecah, yang berbeza prinsip dan dasar akan berpakat, yang tidur sebantal akan mimpi berbeza, bahkan mungkin membunuh kongsi dalam mimpinya. Itulah politik yang meminggirkan wahyu.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Antara lainnya, Dr Mohd Asri memberi panduan dan penerangan kepada kita untuk membuat pendirian dizaman yang penuh kekeliruan dan pancaroba ini.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Beliau juga mengingatkan kita agar berhati-hati dengan peranan media Barat yang 'menaja' berita-berita tentang Islam.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><span style="color:#339966;">Pensyarah ambo di UiTM dulu pernah berkata..</span></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><span style="color:#339966;">"Ada seorang kawan yang tidak pernah menipu kamu walau dalam apa keadaan sekalipun, samada kamu senang atau susah, samada kamu celik atau buta.. Ianya adalah hati kamu sendiri" Dengan kata lain, hati kita boleh membantu kita membuat keputusan yang tepat dan wajar.</span></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Anda boleh membaca artikel penuh Dr Mohd Asri, dengan artikel "Ya Allah, Kami Rindukan Politik Di Bawah Naungan Wahyu-Mu" - <a href="http://klpos.com/v2/index.php?option=com_content&#38;task=view&#38;id=2208&#38;Itemid=77">disini</a> -</p>
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<title><![CDATA[Ex-CIA Analyst Ignores Islam in Muddled Mideast Strategy: Books]]></title>
<link>http://5pillar.wordpress.com/?p=1989</link>
<pubDate>Tue, 12 Aug 2008 00:35:28 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>5-Pillar Scribe</dc:creator>
<guid>http://5pillar.wordpress.com/?p=1989</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Aug. 11 (Bloomberg) &#8212; Whoever wins the U.S. presidential election this November will require a]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Aug. 11 (Bloomberg) -- Whoever wins the U.S. presidential election this November will require a rethink on the Middle East. <a href="http://search.bloomberg.com/search?q=Kenneth+M.+Pollack&#38;site=wnews&#38;client=wnews&#38;proxystylesheet=wnews&#38;output=xml_no_dtd&#38;ie=UTF-8&#38;oe=UTF-8&#38;filter=p&#38;getfields=wnnis&#38;sort=date:D:S:d1">Kenneth M. Pollack</a>, a former National Security Council staffer and CIA analyst, claims to provide one in ``A Path Out of the Desert: A Grand Strategy for America in the Middle East.'' <a href="http://www.bloomberg.ru/apps/news?pid=20601088&#38;sid=aZHmsavAQvLQ&#38;refer=home">&#62;&#62;&#62;&#62;&#62;</a></p>
<blockquote><p>Wanna sell a book and work towards discrediting an ideology; just look for a niche angle that no one has addressed.  Non-Muslims would buy the book, and believe that Islam has absolutely no value - "if we just get those darned Muslims employed; they'd give up their religion and join our fold - and hey, since they're joining, we may as well lead 'em." </p></blockquote>
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<title><![CDATA[character]]></title>
<link>http://whormhole.wordpress.com/?p=1346</link>
<pubDate>Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:29:23 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>salamandrine</dc:creator>
<guid>http://whormhole.wordpress.com/?p=1346</guid>
<description><![CDATA[The gap between what is private and what is public has diminished to the point at which one can almo]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The gap between what is private and what is public has diminished to the point at which one can almost say that it has ceased to exist.<br />
Is much of the world childhood itself has been abolished, childhood defined as safe, protected period during which a human can grow, learn, develop, play and become&#8212;in which a human being can be childlike, childish, and be spared the rigours of adulthood. These days global poverty forces children to work in factories and in fields. It turns children into street urchins, criminals and whores. Meanwhile, political instability not only claims children's lives in large numbers&#8212;in Sudan, in Rwanda, in India, in Iraq&#8212;but turns them into killers, too. See on TV the child soldiers of Africa toting their automatic weapons and speaking with terrifying ease about death. At a time when the external pressures upon us are so great, in Palestine, in Israel, in Afghanistan, in Iran, many artists have felt obliged to take into account the terrible truth that for a great majority of the world's population, their characters, strong or weak, have very little chance of determining their fates. Poverty is destiny, war is destiny, ancient ethnic, tribal and religious hatreds are destiny, a bomb on a bus or in a market square is destiny, and character just has to take its place on the list. A billionaire financial speculator attacks your country currency, and it collapses, and you  lose your job; it doesn't matter who you are or how good a worker you were, you're on the street. Not is this simply a Third World problem. On September 11, 2001, thousands of people died for reasons unconnected with their characters. On that sad day, their <em>ethos</em> (they way of being in the world) was not their <em>daimon</em> (the guiding principle that shapes their lives).</p>
<p><br></p>
<p>
<br><br />
<font size="-2"><em>Salman Rushdie</em>, Heraclitus<br />
Granta nº 100</font><br />
<br>
</p>
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<title><![CDATA[Shame, by Salman Rushdie]]></title>
<link>http://ankuranky.wordpress.com/?p=124</link>
<pubDate>Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:50:32 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>Ank</dc:creator>
<guid>http://ankuranky.wordpress.com/?p=124</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Fiction and non-fiction are two assumed faces of literary coin. But we&#8217;re talking about Rushdi]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Fiction and non-fiction are two assumed faces of literary coin. But we're talking about Rushdie, sir. His personal affairs with <strong>Padmalakshmi </strong>and <strong>Riya Sen</strong>(oh really? yes.) and his four marriages notwithstanding, he manages to blur the two-sided-coin into one, as if it is tossed up towards the heavens, never to return. He blends and mixes forbidden worlds, uses unthinkable language, and creates smoke... smoke that blurs reality with modern-day fairytale business shamelessly. And for me, prose and poetry too.</p>
<p>Hitherto bolted doors to far flung(or imagined) places in Pakistan are thrown open in <strong>Shame</strong>, which travels across realms of time and distance, punctuated by impossible characters but happenings which stink of reality. The lines just flow, fastforwarded all the time, as soon as the three mothers Chunni, Munni and Bunny give scandalous birth to fat, filthy Omar Khayyam Shakil in the <strong>Saawariya</strong>-esque haveli cum fortress called 'Nishapur'. To think that one would choose protagonists even before they appear in your story, and then do a flip-flop to completely sidetrack them and write about two families which are as fictious as they're real is insanity uninhibited, but Bookerite Rushdie actually writes such a story. Hyders and Harappas. <strong>Gen Zia Ul Haq and Zulfikar Ali Bhutto</strong>.</p>
<p>The book, my first Rushdie, for me, is beyond ink on paper. It outshines my ability of sorting its good and bad points, dazzles me and baffles the book geek in me. In the middle of the book, Sufia Zinobia Hyder develops a mysical habit of blushing and going steaming, red hot whenever she senses shame or love near her. I mean, isn't that heights(of imagination, irrelevance, somato-nervous coordination etc)? It becomes infinitely hard and pointless, all the same, for me to say if such a book was entertaining. Let's just say it was extremely interesting.</p>
<p>And interesting were the names, conjuring foggy and unyeilding atmosphere for whatever has been made of story in this book : Chunni, Munni, Bunny. Omar Khayyam Shakil(hero). Babar Shakil. Sufiya Zinobia aka Shame(herione). Good News Hyder. Bariamma. Raza and Bilquis Hyder. Iskandar Harappa. Rani Humayun(later Harappa). Arjumand Harappa(you may read Benazir Bhutto). Little Mir Harappa. Haroun Harappa.</p>
<p>Touched a raw nerve, a developing nerve....</p>
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</item>
<item>
<title><![CDATA[UN-WHOLLY WARRIORS SCENE 2: ATTACK OF THE INFO-TAINMENT CIRCUS]]></title>
<link>http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/?p=630</link>
<pubDate>Mon, 11 Aug 2008 08:21:28 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>Wajahat Ali</dc:creator>
<guid>http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/?p=630</guid>
<description><![CDATA[UNWHOLLY WARRIORS 
(A politically incorrect, apolitical, political comedy satire)
Scene II

“Attac]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p class="MsoTitle" style="text-align:center;"><span style="text-decoration:underline;"><span style="font-size:14pt;">UNWHOLLY WARRIORS </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoTitle" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:14pt;">(A politically incorrect, apolitical, political comedy satire)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;" align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:14pt;">Scene II<em></em></span></strong></p>
<div style="text-align:left;border:windowtext 0 solid;padding:0 0 17pt;">
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong><em><span style="font-size:14pt;">“Attack of the Info-tainment Circus”</span></em></strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong><span>NARRATOR</span></strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><strong><em></em></strong>The scene begins in a gaudy, over lit news studio with several Hi definition cameras and lights (Made in Japan) focused on a mahogany news desk and an overpriced red, white and blue, <strong>firm</strong>, patriotic and <strong>potent, </strong>ergonomic chair (Made in Singapore). There is a mug, a <strong>manly</strong> mug, (Made in Bangladesh) with “NO BULL” written in Ivory white letters on a blue and red cup. The <strong>fertile</strong> American flag (Made in Mexico) is shimmering behind the news desk either via a digital screen or an actual hanging flag. There is 1 ergonomic, main anchor’s chair, which is <strong>sturdy chair</strong> made by and for <strong>MANLY</strong> men and not girly-sissy boys. To the left of this main, manly anchor chair, there are 5 girly-sissy boy, non-ergonomic chairs made by and for <strong>un</strong>manly, <strong>girly-sissy boy</strong> men.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/bull-full.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-631    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/bull-full.jpg?w=300" alt="" width="300" height="286" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><!--more--></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">The highly melodramatic and pompous theme song to “No BULL Zone with Bull ‘Bob’ Riley” blares as the lights slowly illuminate the stage.<span> </span>A mighty bull roar is heard. <strong>ROAR</strong><em>.</em> The Announcer gloats -<span> </span><em>“</em>And now its time for the NO BULL ZONE. Only the most pressing, urgent matters of national news are discussed in a fair, respectful, professional and balanced manner!” A Mighty bull Roar is heard again.<strong> ROAR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">And now, here’s your host…BULL RILEY!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Suddenly “Zombie Nation” the sports anthem played at every sporting event is heard blasting through the speakers. Bull explodes from behind the curtains like a theatrical, egotistical superstar with his hands in the air waving to the crowd. He gives audience members high fives. He pumps his chest, chin up, and struts and dances about the floor and then on the stage. He poses a couple of times like GQ magazine cover stars and blows kisses to the air.)</em></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">The Shiite has hit the fan in I-rack!<a name="_ftnref1" href="#_ftn1"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[1]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> Not so, according to The White House which openly rejected the notion that I-rack is near a total civil war between</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">the Sunny’s (<em>Deliberately mispronounced)</em> and Shee-ites!<a name="_ftnref2" href="#_ftn2"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[2]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> But according to your beloved Bull Riley (<em>Points to himself</em>) the No Bull Zone says “The Shiite has hit the fan in America” and we are mad as hell, and we’re not gonna take it anymore!<a name="_ftnref3" href="#_ftn3"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[3]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><strong></strong> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">The studio screen cues the “applause and whooping” sign for the live audience. (<em>NARRATOR look at audience) </em>This where you, the audience, yes you, applaud and whoop. (<em>Wait for some applauding and whooping</em>). There is also a ‘Yeehaw’ heard in the background. (<em>Yee-haw!)</em></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong>BULL</strong> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">First –if you’re like the Bull -</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">There is the sound of the Mighty Bull Roar. <strong>ROAR!</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/dr-z.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-635    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/dr-z.jpg?w=209" alt="" width="209" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><strong>-</strong><em> </em>you’ve noticed some disturbing behaviors in this free, glorious, tolerant country of ours that can no longer be tolerated. <strong></strong>Illegal immigrants and terrorists. Border hopping Frida Kahlos, Amphibian Dr. Zhivagos, Stow Away Charlie Chans, Underwater Ann Trans, Aerodynamic Osama Bin Ladens, Magic Carpet Aladdins and other ethnic undesirables. Aliens, ladies and gentlemen. Illegal aliens using illegal immigration to cover deadly illegal</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">immigrant terrorists.<a name="_ftnref4" href="#_ftn4"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[4]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> To discuss these E.T., extra-terrestrial terrorists soiling our very own pure, pristine, fertile unsoiled American backyard, we welcome 5 distinguished darki- excuse me minoriti –I meant– members of the Moslem, Mexican, Middle Eastern, and “The White is Right” communities.</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/charlie_chan.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-632  aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/charlie_chan.jpg?w=247" alt="" width="247" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Stage left is now illuminated and 5 members of the infotainment circus are trotted out one by one…</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">We have Izod Mangee, a feminist liberal lesbian Muslim South Asian refusenik pop culture scholar –author of the best selling bold and original “Failure of Islam” and also author of the incendiary “Die Darkman Die” Trilogy, with its scorching sequel, “Die Darkman Die II: Darkman Die Harder,”<a name="_ftnref5" href="#_ftn5"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[5]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> and the recent best seller “Die Darkman Die III: Why won’t you die, Darkman? Please Die. For the love of God, just die. Seriously. Please. Just Die.” (<em>Looks to IZOD and sincerely says -) </em>Very subtle.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(I<em>zod comes in to the song “Raining Men</em>” and makes an entrance.)</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/darkmanver4ka3.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-633    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/darkmanver4ka3.jpg?w=199" alt="" width="199" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><span>Izod rips the flag of a poster that says “Man” on it.</span></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong><span>BULL</span></strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><em></em>Next up, a man capable of producing Satanic Verses – the Ayatollah Khomeini’s<span> </span>favorite, most bestest author (<em>chuckles to himself)</em>, the fatwah-tastic fantastic author-in-hiding Saleem Rush-to-die making a rare public appearance – “shhh don’t tell Iran” - to promote his new books “I is for Infidel,”<span> </span>P is for Pagan” and “H is for Heathen.”<a name="_ftnref6" href="#_ftn6"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[6]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>He walks into “Magic Carpet Ride.”</em> )</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> <strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><span>Rushtodie becomes enraged and rips Iran’s flag.</span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> <strong><span>BULL</span></strong> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">The noted civil libertarian and human rights lawyer, Alan Doochawitz, promoting his new brilliant book - “Torture: It’s what’s for dinner, biiiitches,” which is a compassionate, humane plea for the “legal” torture of terrorism suspects<a name="_ftnref7" href="#_ftn7"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[7]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a><span> </span>-</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Dooch walks into “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley.</em>)</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Dooch becomes enraged and rips the Universal Declarations of Human Rights.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><strong>…</strong>and we’re lucky to have Ward Chavez author of “Assimilate NOW! Abstaining from Mexifornicating” <em>(Chavez comes in to “Oye<span> </span>como va”</em>)</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Chavez rips a picture of a burrito in half…And then he eats it.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">….and the superstar of the evening, John Yu Kazuo, whose last name “Kazuo” means a “Man of Peace”! Here to promote his new book “Defending Internment!” <em>(Kazu comes in like a rockstar, down the aisles, posing and giving high fives. He struts to </em><em>“Kung Fu.”) </em></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">He rips the photo of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Then he composes himself and looks in the camera and says –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><strong></strong>I am Kazuo….a Man of Peace.</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">And finally - (<em>rolls eyes and annoyed</em>) from the whiners known as the Civil Liberties Coalition<a name="_ftnref8" href="#_ftn8"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[8]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a>, we have Saddam Hussein Osama Bin Ladin Noriega Syria–</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>He comes in to “Loser” by Beck.)</em></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/osama.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-medium wp-image-644" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/osama.jpg?w=223" alt="" width="223" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">EMANON</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">That’s NOT my name. My name is Sala-Ema<a name="_ftnref9" href="#_ftn9"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[9]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> -</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Right, Obama.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">EMANON</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Sala-</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Gotcha Ayatollah<a name="_ftnref10" href="#_ftn10"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[10]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a>. Who will whine, whine, whine usual like a flaming pansy pussy boy about civil liberties and amendmen-shmamendments and all that retarded commie pinko nonsense. You are all now in the NO BULL ZONE.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">A Mighty Bull Roar is heard. ROAR!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">First up –Islam. (<em>Pause</em>) What went wrong?<a name="_ftnref11" href="#_ftn11"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[11]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> Now I know not all Muslims are terrorists, no, no, no… but all terrorists are Muslims!<a name="_ftnref12" href="#_ftn12"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[12]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> Don’t you agree, Izod?</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">IZOD</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Absolutely 100% I totally agree –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">RUSHTODIE</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Eagerly butts in</em>)</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">In complete agreement, Bull. What you said is spot on, in <em>my</em> book –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">IZOD</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Cutting him off)</em></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">In <em>my </em>book – “The Failure of Islam” -</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Brilliant, by the way -</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">CHAVEZ</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">In <em>my </em>book – Assimilate NOW!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Double brilliant!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">DOOCHAWITZ</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">“Torture, it’s what’s for dinner, biiiitches!”</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Touché!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">KAZUO</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Defending Internment! Yeah!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Double Touche!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">EMANON</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">IRA, Tamil Tigers, Stern gang – all examples of non - Muslim terrori<a name="_ftnref13" href="#_ftn13"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[13]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Strike one, Moussaoui<a name="_ftnref14" href="#_ftn14"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[14]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a>. 3 strikes you're out<a name="_ftnref15" href="#_ftn15"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[15]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a>. Wait your turn!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Rushtodie seethes at Izod. Izod returns it with smug smile plastered on her face.</em>)</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/moussaoui.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-643    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/moussaoui.jpg?w=238" alt="" width="238" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">IZOD</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">I achingly searched my soul as a lesbian, feminist, liberal, born again refusenik,<a name="_ftnref16" href="#_ftn16"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[16]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> non threatening, non practicing, aesthetically pleasing, Muslim South Asian, modernist, pro-woman woman to inquire why all the terrorists are Muslims –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/izod_logo_black.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-640    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/izod_logo_black.jpg?w=300" alt="" width="300" height="70" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">And are all Muslims terrorists?</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">EMANON</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Whoa, easy there, how can you broadly generalize 1.4<span> </span>billion Muslims in<a name="_ftnref17" href="#_ftn17"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[17]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">CHAVEZ</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Assimilate now!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">THIS IS the no BULL zone, Khaddafi<a name="_ftnref18" href="#_ftn18"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[18]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a>. Strike 2–</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">EMANON</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">It’s Sala –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Enough, Sally. Let the lady speak. In our culture, we let women have a voice-</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">IZOD</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Thank you Bull I apprec –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Puts hand quickly in front of her face and muffles her voice</em>)</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">And let me tell you, the No Bull Zone is a No broadly generalize zone, either. I’ve been to Africa, Ching Chong China, Wacky Paki Pakistan, Meck-ee-ko and heathen continents 3 times, all right, Siegfried and Roy? You just can’t bring Western reasoning into<span> </span>all “their” cultures. The same way you can’t bring it into fundamental Islam.”<a name="_ftnref19" href="#_ftn19"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[19]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">CHAVEZ</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Assimilate NOW!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">IZOD</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Sharp rebuke) </em>Wait your goddamn turn, Chavez!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">The No Bull Zone is also a NO blas-pher-mer-size zone!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">IZOD</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Meekly and slavishly) </em>Apologies for blas-pher-mer-sizing.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Goddamn right!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">RUSHTODIE</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Whiny, girly voice making fun of his opponent</em>) <em>“</em>Apologies for blasphermersizing.” (<em>Points at her and cackles</em>) Hahahaha.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">IZOD</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Slaps his finger down</em>) Not all of us are lucky to ride a fatwah for the rest of our career?<a name="_ftnref20" href="#_ftn20"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[20]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Saucy!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">RUSHTODIE</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">You’re just jealous you haven’t got one yet<a name="_ftnref21" href="#_ftn21"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[21]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">BULL</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Counter-Saucy!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">NARRATOR</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">“Wa-toosh” <span>makes a whip cracking noise and gesture with his hand cracking an Indy Jones whip. In the meantime, Rushtodie and IZOD have begun fighting with each other like little children.</span></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><span>BULL</span></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Ah, Divide and Conquer. Exxxcellent. “Fortunately, there will never be Islamic unity”<a name="_ftnref22" href="#_ftn22"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[22]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a>. I think it might be a good idea to convert all these heathens (<em>Points to Izod and Rushtodie and Chavez and Emanon</em>) to Christianity; it’s a better hobby for them than slaughtering infidels, and cheering and dancing like homicidal maniacs. <a name="_ftnref23" href="#_ftn23"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[23]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> (<em>Now directly facing the camera/audience.)</em> Speaking of maniacs, this brings me to this week’s so-called “scandals” and the pansy media “mania” complaining about warrantless spying and anti immigration and terrorism measures. Listen, I think the government should be spying on all A-rabs, Moslems, immigrants, Mexicans, Underage College Sorority girls, Game show hosts, big breasted women, Chinese restaurant waiters, Chia Pets, circus clowns, liberal college professors, black sports players, Black Stallions, Black Russians, White Russians – heck – All Russians (<em>Looks directly in the camera now</em>) ‘cause you can never be too sure,<span> </span>and finally- big breasted women – if you ask me. We should be engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport – and<span> </span>dropping daisy cutters, Playboys, extra strength deodorants, shampoo and American flags wantonly through out the Middle East, and git-git-git<span> </span>Pinkos, winos, and protestors to the Gitmo G- Unit.”<a name="_ftnref24" href="#_ftn24"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[24]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> But let me guess “boo hoo woo woo.” (<em>Looking at Emanon.</em>)</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/i-love-white-russians.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-639      aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/i-love-white-russians.jpg?w=300" alt="" width="300" height="295" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">First, a state of war is not a blank check for the President and his administration to trample on a citizen’s constitutional rights.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCHAWITZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">I’ll write a blank check to trample on you, citizen boy!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Looks utterly confused by the previous comment and composes himself</em>)<span> </span>Second, 14 of the nation’s top constitutional scholars agree that the NSA spying program appears on its face to violate existing law<a name="_ftnref26" href="#_ftn26"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[26]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a>. It bypasses the fundamental requirement of needing probable cause for a search and seizure, and obtaining a warrant from the FISA court<a name="_ftnref27" href="#_ftn27"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[27]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Bullshit court! (<em>Then quietly under his breath -</em>) Assimilate now!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Ring Ring. Ring Ring. (<em>Holds up a fake telephone to his ear.)</em></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Emanon is perplexed. Just stares at Bull. Then left and right at confused guests. Looks forward at audience/camera.)</em></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Uh – I…don’t understand. What? I –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><span>Flustered and impatient, Bull mimes the existence of a “phone” in front of Emanon and picks up the “imaginary” receiver. Emanon “gets it,” and he hesitantly picks up the phone.</span></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Ring Ring. Ring Ring.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Oh, Ok, I get it. Strange. Um, Uh, Hello?</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Salaams. Knock Knock.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Salaams. Uh, (<em>Concerned Pause</em>) who’s there?</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Osama.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Osama, (<em>Takes a second or two)</em> Who?</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">O-sama…. IM GONNA BLOW UP YO’ MOMMA! (<em>Shouts into imaginary phone. Spit shower covers most of the guests. Bull is red in the face and he’s steamed</em>.) “What are we supposed to do if Osama bin Frikkin’ laden calls the United States? If Osama calls America, should we listen in or worry about his civil liberties?<strong>”</strong><a name="_ftnref28" href="#_ftn28"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[28]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a><strong> </strong>Can you nutheads please “stop stripping the Presidency of its Constitutional authority to defend America?”<a name="_ftnref29" href="#_ftn29"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[29]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Defending America does <em>not </em>allow powerful men and women to make a mockery of the Constitution and existing laws. We have the FISA court–</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Pretends to cough to muffle what he’s about to say, very similar to what elementary school kids do</em>) Bullshit court! Ahem. Cough. Cough. Assimilate now!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Puts hand in front of Emanon’s face and looks away disgusted. The other hand’s index finger rapidly points to Doochawitz.</em>) Dooch, drop knowledge like a hot SCUD missile on Saddam over here.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/scud3a.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-646     aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/scud3a.jpg?w=300" alt="" width="300" height="246" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCHAWITZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">As a respected civil libertarian, human rights advocate and esteemed law professor, I agree with recently appointed <em>Assistant Attorney General</em> John Yu Kazuo, a sterling Chinaman Jap of the highest order -</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Out of order, Doochawitz!!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">You’re out of order!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>IZOD</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">I hold you in contempt!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCHAWITZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Objection, your Honor!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Overruled!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Sustained! Chinaman Jap is NOT a socially acceptable legal term of art!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Sheepishly offers his own opine</em>) I, honestly, don’t mind. I am, after all, …a “Man of Peace.”</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">The jury will disregard Dooch <em>and</em> Kazuo’s previous comments. Strike that politically incorrect rhetoric from the record. (<em>Looking at the </em>camera) Dear Jury, follow these instructions instead. They (<em>Points to Kazuo) </em>prefer being called Jap or Jackie Chan (<em>Kazuo acquiesces and nods his head)</em>– it’s more economic and easier on the ears. God bless that John Yu Kazuo. What a brilliant and bold Jackie Chan!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/jackie-chan.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-641    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/jackie-chan.jpg?w=273" alt="" width="273" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>MANGEE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">A brilliant, bold, and brave Jackie Chan.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">A brilliant, bold, brave, intellectually erect Jackie Chan!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCHAWITZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">A brilliant, bold, brave, intellectually erect and potent Jackie Chan!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Assimilat - ed….</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Suc-cess-fully!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">How can you (<em>Looks with disbelief to </em>Kazuo) and you (<em>Looks with anger at </em>Bull) condone such blatant, shameless racism and prejudice on your show, BULL?</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">I am NOT racist and prejudiced, you traitorous Benedict Arnold! I love Japs!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>From the monitor</em>)</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">I feel your pain, brother. I feel your pain.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Thank you, Jackie Chan, thank you. Like I said I am NO racist! I love the Oriental Tulips, the Middle Eastern Sunflowers, The Darkie Daisies, The Jasmines from Disney’s Aladdin, The Ebony Queens, Apu’s wife from the Simpsons, and The Spicy Chiquita Bananas!! (<em>There is an awkward silence and sheepish glances exchanged by all the </em>members). Hell, my last girlfriend, before I was married of course, was an ASIAN CHICK! (<em>High Fives Dooch and Rushtodie…and even Izod)</em><span> </span>I am no oppressor! In fact, I’m the victim! I have been clinically diagnosed as suffering from – (<em>takes a pause and gasps)</em> Yellow fever!</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/jasmine.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-642    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/jasmine.jpg?w=300" alt="" width="300" height="237" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Consolingly) </em>Have no shame, brother. Have no shame. I, too, like you, once suffered from this same disease –this fever –this yellow fever. After my recent Amazon.com best selling book, my promotion to Assistant Attorney General, and newfound fame I, too, have finally nabbed me a Unicorn – excuse me –I meant my SeaBiscuit, my Pegasus, I mean The Greatest Prize on Earth –ahem (<em>Fake coughs and clears throat) –</em>ahem- excuse me- (<em>Clears </em>throat) I meant my new <em>Caucasian </em>bride – don’t worry, don’t worry, she’s more Cauc than Asian. (<em>Smiles</em>).</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/picture-unicornflying-for.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-645    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/picture-unicornflying-for.jpg?w=300" alt="" width="300" height="278" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Kim Jong, you’re a life saver</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCHAWITZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Motion to continue, your honor?</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Motion granted.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCHAWITZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">This brilliant, bold, brave, intellectually erect, potent, titular behemoth of a Jackie Chan said the FISA court does <em>not</em> apply during <em>this</em> war against loony terrorists who <em>don’t</em> use deodorant and eat strange, multi-syllabic foods, because Congress doesn’t have the authority to interfere in the President’s wartime means and methods of engaging the enemy!<a name="_ftnref30" href="#_ftn30"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[30]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Those abo-litionists have abo-so-luteley no o-thority!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Inside officials have said the administration knew their secret, <em>illegal</em>, surveillance program “could never meet that standard, that’s why didn’t go through” FISA courts in the first place!<a name="_ftnref31" href="#_ftn31"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[31]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> Following Kazuo’s perverted logic -</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Sexy Logic!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Twisted logic! A wartime President can do anything he wants! This dangerous precedent, if not immediately remedied, can “lie around like a loaded gun, able to be used indefinitely for any future occupant!”<a name="_ftnref32" href="#_ftn32"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[32]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">I wish I had a loaded gun right now!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCHWATIZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Oh, what a coinci-dink! I’ve got a gun right here. (<em>Doochawitz, getting into the mime game, pulls out a fake gun from his coat.)</em></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Let me load that gun right now. I am, after all… a man of peace.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Smiles and loads the “fake mimed” gun. Hands it over to Bull, who cocks the imaginary gun, points it at Emanon and fires. Emanon pretends he is shot in his chest and Gasps! He then blows “Dirty Harry-style” the smoke from the revolver.</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/dirty-harry-2.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-634  aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/dirty-harry-2.jpg?w=238" alt="" width="238" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">EMANON</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Is this secrecy and unilateral exercise of immense power necessary considering that fewer than “10 US citizens or residents a year, according to an authoritative account, have aroused enough suspicion during warrantless eavesdropping to justify interception of their purely domestic calls?”<a name="_ftnref33" href="#_ftn33"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[33]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> Why can’t the news media, journalists, and politicians muster the backbone to challenge this belligerent profiling –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Bumper Sticker for whiners. News magazines, journalists, Wireless phone taps, politicians, soldiers, torture, and unilateral wars don’t kill people --- Muslims do!<a name="_ftnref34" href="#_ftn34"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[34]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Very quickly interjects almost if defending his life</em>.) Not this secular, humanist, modernist, non-threatening, light skinned toned, non-practicing, Muslim American citizen, Bull!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><span>Points to his chest, more specifically he points to an American flag pinned on his left lapel.</span></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">This token Muslim is <em>tired, tired, tired</em> of this “paranoid Darkie” that blames outsiders, infidels, heathens, politicians, news media, Hollywood, racial profiling, racism, oppressive foreign policy, Zionism, good hygiene, toothpaste, Girls Gone Wild and Brittany Spears for all their problems!</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/girls-gone-wild-co-ed-sex-tryouts-2.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-638    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/girls-gone-wild-co-ed-sex-tryouts-2.jpg?w=210" alt="" width="210" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EVERYONE except EMANON and IZOD</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Britney Spears! Grumblegrumblegrumblegrumblegrumblegrumble</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">All of these heathens like to play – (<em>A pause)</em></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EVERYONE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">The Blame Game!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">“Their only remedy is to close their Dark Age societies to the rival project” of a glorious enlightened modernity that is… The West<a name="_ftnref35" href="#_ftn35"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[35]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EVERYONE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">The West!!!!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Highly excited like Austin Powers</em>) The West is the best, baby, yeah, baby, yeah! (<em>Sober, serious face</em>) Assimilate now!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">These Muslims – and immigrants and foreigners and Axis of Evil and generally anyone who disagrees with <em>us</em>, The West -</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Yeah, baby, yeah! (<em>Sobers up) </em>Assimilate Now!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">They have a loathing of modern society in general; what with our music, godlessness, sex, big breasted women, and Girls gone wild dvd’s 2 for $9.99! Specifically, they loathe and fear the prospect their Darkie societies could be taken over by the liberal Western style way of life<a name="_ftnref36" href="#_ftn36"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[36]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">The only style of life, yeah baby yeah! Assimilate now.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">They all fear (<em>Takes a deep dramatic flamboyant shocking breath then exhales</em>)…. West-oxi-cation!<a name="_ftnref37" href="#_ftn37"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[37]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>The entire guests’ panel, even Emanon, dramatically gasps in unison and raise their eyebrows in shock!)</em></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>IZOD</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Very nervous and panicked, quickly interjects a defensive, protective measure by saying -)</em> Not me! Not me! I love the West. I’m currently intoxicated by my Westoxication!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Prove you’re America-holic, Missy-Mister-whatever.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>IZOD</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Eagerly like a rookie coming off the bench.)</em><span> </span>I can prove it, master! I mean, Bull! You see, Bull, “<em>only</em> within Islam today is literalism the mainstream. And this is dangerous” because most of us, even well educated professionals, and even sadly me sometimes due to the Islamo-fascist, patriarchal, eastern, ethnic, oppressive misogynist, die darkie, darkie darkman die virus genetically infecting my ovaries and womanhood from birth<span> </span>“have no clue how to debate, dissent, revise, or reform” because we 1.2 billion have not been introduced to virtues of critical thinking.”<a name="_ftnref38" href="#_ftn38"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[38]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Very sarcastically and mocking tone</em>) Islam – it even infects your ovaries. A Middle Eastern kryptonite! Explains why the Muslim womb is a warehouse of future suicide bombers!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Rumi the best selling poet in America today – Muslim…lived 700 years ago!<a name="_ftnref39" href="#_ftn39"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[39]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> Ibn Sina wrote the celebrated Canon of Medicine, the medical bible of “the West” for over 500 years – Muslim -</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>IZOD</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Completely ignoring the valid points Emanon just made.)</em> Terrorist martyrs. Suicide bombers! <em>They</em> are the rock stars of the Muslim world!”<a name="_ftnref40" href="#_ftn40"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[40]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> The Madonna’s of Palestine, the Elvis’s of Baghdad, the Liberace’s of Libya! The only thing they’re all missing is a Nike contract and Wheaties commercial!</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> <a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/elvis.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-636    aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/elvis.jpg?w=168" alt="" width="168" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">More like a Hummus commercial. Ahahahahahha.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Nice one, fruit cake. (<em>Looks to Izod)</em> Congratulations, sir, you’ve passed the test</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Assimilation…completed! Yeah!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Darkie, tell me about your people. Yo quero Citizenship?</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Like the Moslemites, the Mexican threat is a grave peril to our “porous borders”<a name="_ftnref41" href="#_ftn41"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[41]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> that provide sanctuary and safe haven to illegal aliens and terrorists.<a name="_ftnref42" href="#_ftn42"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[42]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> Granted, “the overwhelming majority of illegal aliens…have no connection to terrorism,” regardless, “our continued high tolerance for massive illegal immigration gives terrorists deadly cover.”<a name="_ftnref43" href="#_ftn43"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[43]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> Like the incessant hyper fornicating turban headed Moslem terrorist immigrants with their incessant magic carpet Islamecegination, the Mexican illegals are “strengthened demographically both by natural reproduction”, as evidenced by their incessant, Telemundo Mexifornicating, “and by immigration, which reinforces their stubborn ethnic, burrito segregation - their domineering enchilada nature”<a name="_ftnref44" href="#_ftn44"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[44]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> if you will. This is their taco world in all its guacamole “aberrations.”<a name="_ftnref45" href="#_ftn45"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[45]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> I agree with Alfredo Gonzalvez, the good Italian Mexican American son of Italian Mexican immigrants that he is, and John Yu Kazuo, a sterling Chinaman-Jap</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/telemundo.gif"><img class="size-medium wp-image-647  aligncenter" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/telemundo.gif?w=200" alt="" width="200" height="236" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Jackie Chan Jap!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Sorry! A Jackie Chan Jap of the highest order, that a “virtual barrier” needs to be erected to cover “every mile of our 2,000 mile long border with Mexico.”<a name="_ftnref46" href="#_ftn46"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[46]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> Assimilate now and forever!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>IZOD</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">I don’t want to live in Mexifornia! (<em>Starts sobbing</em>)</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCH</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Then Stop Mexifornicating and Islamiceginating!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Say No…to Mexifornication! If you must, use protection! Choose Caucasion…or-</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Asian! The<em> only </em>protection against Mexifornication!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Damnation!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Invasion! Soldiers to Battle Station!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCH</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Salvation!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>IZOD</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Emancipation!!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Intoxication!!</p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>CHAVEZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;">Assimilation!</span></strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Frustration! You are misleading the public. “Terrorism was not an issue in this.” This was and is an “immigration issue.”<a name="_ftnref47" href="#_ftn47"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[47]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Strike 3, you’re outta the ball game, Noriega! 3 up and 3 down. End of an inning.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">I think he’s “ticking.”</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">“Ticking?”</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCH</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">“Ticking like a Time Bomb!!!”<a name="_ftnref48" href="#_ftn48"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[48]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/explosive.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-medium wp-image-637" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/explosive.jpg?w=300" alt="" width="300" height="273" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">The entire guest panel erupts in pandemonium for about 25 seconds of rehearsed chaotic choreography of mass hysterical, hyperbolic panic. Chavez is standing while Kazuo slaps his head like a rhythmic, island, Congo drum and humming “Man of Peace a’ Man of Peace a’ Man of Peace” –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Man of Peace a’ Man of Peace a’ Man of Peace a’ Man of Peace –</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Rushtodie is HIDING in the corner whimpering like a frightened schoolgirl - “I don't want to die. I don’t want to die.”</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>RUSHTODIE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center">“I don't want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Izod becomes enraged like a South Asian feminist Hulk and can’t help but compulsively shout “Die Darkman Die,” “Die Darkman Die”!!! Doochawitz keeps obsessively repeating Ticking Timebomb Ticking Timebomb Ticking Timebomb like Dustin Hoffman from Rainman.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCH</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">TickingTimebombTickingTimebombTickingTimebombTickingTimebombTickingTimebombTickingTimebomb -</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">- and out of nowhere, Bull pulls a double barrel sawed off shotgun from under his desk and points it at Emanon.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">All right, Al-Qaeda. It’s the showdown at the OK Corral and you’re definitely NOT O.K., so it’s time for you to show and go… down. Hand over the bomb, McVeigh.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCHAWIZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">TickingTimebombTickingTimebombTickingTimebomb….</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Very slowly as if being surrounded by LAPD cops.</em>) It’s only a Timex watch.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">I bet it tells Terror Time.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Pacific Standard.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Everyone automatically regains their composure and goes back to their seats as if nothing had happened. The change in tone and direction is swift and jarring. Very nonchalant and “oh, well, we were wrong, let’s get back to work immediately” type mentality.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Oh, well, we were wrong, let’s get back to work immediately.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCHAWITZ</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">And this perfectly illustrates my thesis detailed in my book – “Torture, it’s what’s for Dinner, Biiiitches!”<span> </span>on why we need to immediately legalize and implement torture with “torture warrants”<a name="_ftnref49" href="#_ftn49"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[49]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a>! As to protect ourselves from a potential ticking terrorist immigrant who puts us in a position where we have to defend our civilians.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"> </p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;"><a href="http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/torture.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-medium wp-image-648" src="http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/files/2008/08/torture.jpg" alt="" /></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>KAZUO</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">And that is the highest calling of democracy - to defend its civilians against guilty murderers that are out trying to kill our…children.”<a name="_ftnref50" href="#_ftn50"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[50]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> <em>(Points to Emanon as he says all of this.)</em> As long as we can torture in a way “in which we can be proud and hold our heads up and say, yes, we did this,” then it’s acceptable.<a name="_ftnref51" href="#_ftn51"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[51]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>DOOCH</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Mind you, “torture is bad” –bad, bad!<span> </span>However “some things are worse” worse, worse! “And under certain circumstances,” such as illegal alien terrorists invading our land, impregnating our women, not using deodorant, eating our grandchildren with hummus and falafels, and canceling Girls gone wild,<span> </span>“it may be the lesser of two evils. Because some evils are pretty evil.”<a name="_ftnref52" href="#_ftn52"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[52]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a> And torture is evil. But aliens are <strong>super</strong> evil. So we must de-evil the lesser evil of torture by <strong>leveraging</strong> its evil against the superior <strong>super</strong> evil of aliens who use <strong>ultra</strong> evil methods to engage in <strong>ludicrous</strong> amounts of <strong>ridiculous</strong> <strong><span style="font-size:14pt;">terrorist</span></strong><span style="font-size:14pt;"> </span><strong><span style="font-size:16pt;">evil!!!!</span></strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>EMANON</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">(<em>Sarcastically)</em> Even though torture is a federal crime under the U.S. War Crimes Act of 1996 and a grave breach of the Geneva Conventions?<a name="_ftnref53" href="#_ftn53"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[53]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></a><span> </span></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>NARRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-indent:0.5in;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Bull gives a nod. Izod and Rushtodie put Emanon into a sleeper and he quietly faints and slithers away in his chair.</p>
<p style="border:medium none;text-align:center;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;" align="center"><strong>BULL</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Doochawitz, I’d kiss you on that beautiful mouth of yours that is able to produce such pretty, eloquent words, but unfortunately that would be very, very gay, so I won’t. We’ll return with the NO BULL exclusive – an Al Qaeda Sleeper cell in a sunny California town…headed by a 16 yr old, female mastermind no less? Osama’s new baby momma to be driving a SUV in your valley? The truth after this commercial break. And remember America –</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong>EVERYONE</strong></p>
<p style="border:medium none;margin:0 0 0.0001pt;padding:0;">Torture, it’s whats for dinner…. BITCHES!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Verdana;">Wajahat Ali</span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Verdana;"> is Pakistani Muslim American who is neither a terrorist nor a saint. He is a playwright, essayist, humorist, and recent J.D. whose work, "<a href="http://www.domesticcrusaders.com/">The Domestic Crusaders</a>," is the first major play about Muslim Pakistani Americans living in a post 9-11 America. His blog is at <a href="../">http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/</a>. He can be reached at <a href="mailto:wajahatmali@gmail.com">wajahatmali@gmail.com</a></span></p>
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<p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a name="_ftn1" href="#_ftnref1"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[1]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></span></a><span style="font-size:9pt;"> Sean Hannity, <em>Tuned in to America, </em>Hannity.com, <em>at </em>http://www.hannity.com/ forum/ showthread.php?t=24289 (Oct. 2004).<span> </span>Sean Hannity, a famous Fox News pundit, creatively disrespected millions of Shiia Muslims by saying, “The Shiite hits the fan in Southern Iraq.”</span></p>
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<div id="ftn2">
<p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a name="_ftn2" href="#_ftnref2"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[2]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></span></a><span style="font-size:9pt;"> USA Today, </span><span class="inside-head1"><em><span style="font-size:9pt;font-weight:normal;">U.S. R ejects idea that Iraq near Civil war</span></em></span><span class="inside-head1"><span style="font-size:9pt;font-weight:normal;">,<span> </span>Usatoday.com, <em>at </em></span></span><strong><em></em></strong><span style="font-size:9pt;">http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2006-04-10-iraq-civilwar_x.htm (Apr. 10, 2006).<span> </span>The United States deflecting criticism that Iraq will erupt in a civil war following the invasion.</span></p>
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<div id="ftn3">
<p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a name="_ftn3" href="#_ftnref3"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[3]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></span></a><span style="font-size:9pt;"> Network (MGM pictures 1976).</span></p>
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<p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a name="_ftn4" href="#_ftnref4"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><span>&#60;!--[if !supportFootnotes]--&#62;[4]&#60;!--[endif]--&#62;</span></span></span></a><span style="font-size:9pt;"> Michelle Malkin, <em>End Sanctuary for Illegal Immigrants</em>, Townhall.com, <em>at </em>h