At 7.10am this morning I was standing in the starters area on College Street, 100 meters back from the starting line.  At 7.30am the starting gun went off, the crowd cheered, I waved goodbye to Eddie, then I stood still for about a minute.  Not because I panicked or anything silly like that.  I was standing still because there were so many people standing still in front of me.  I'm just happy we all had timing chips attached to our shoes 'cause if our start time had been when the starting gun was shot, I'm fairly sure I would have been trampled under-foot in the midst of a feral charge. 

About two hours after the starting gun I was running up the middle of Hyde Park towards the finish line and looking out for Eddie, who was going to be cheering me on...  Unfortunately, he believed me when I said I would probably be running six minute kilometers.  So, he arrived at the finish line while I was relaxing in the cool down area and eating an orange with my medal and copy of the Sun Herald.

Eddie redeemed his poor effort when he told me he knew he had missed me as soon as he reached the finish-line.  Apparently, he "knew" I'd be in better shape than the "rear-enders and crawlers" he saw "bringing up the rear."  Hmmm.

So, now I'm exhausted, but thinking I'd like to do it again next year.

Thought of sharing my first experience of Singapore through this post, but finding out that there isn't much to share. I haven't done a proper sight seeing here, as I want to do it in leisure when my better half joins me; which is a good one month far from now. Yet, I have managed to visit some of the local attractions:

• Little India- As the name says, a little India outside India (Went there to find out the Aate Daal Ka Bhaav :) )
• China Town -The Chinese equivalent of Little India  (Its at a stone's throw from my office)
• Orchard: Most happening place of Singapore (Went to meet a good old friend)
• Harbour front: A great view to the Sea Front()

The other experiences have been good so far. The workplace, work and folks here, are all good  and I have kind of started liking the environment from the very first week. Hope this likeliness  keeps growing with every coming day.

The best thing is that, I haven't got a big culture shock like the way I was thinking. With so many Indians in office, I rarely feel I am in a different country. The situation changes drastically when we come out of office, and esepcially when we are going out to eat something. Near office its okay, as we are able to find Indian food easily. There is this Panjabi Aunty, she has been our savior so far (Her foods remind me of the Nihal and Needs of Hyderabad, though here the food is much tasty than that). But other places its tough. I am still struggling to differentiate between the various cuisines, Thai, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Malay, I never knew Asia has so many varities. And the worst part is, except Malay cuisine they all look similar. Also the concept of non veg is very diffent here, Beef and Porque are served almost everywhere and the so called veg food is not easily available.

Almost for every meal my conversation goes like this:

Do you serve Vegitarian food?

--No

Egg.

--No

Ok Chicken !

--Hmm.. lets see what we have.

So I have been eating Chicken or Egg almost everyday.

Talk about food and I remember another incident here. It was my first day in office and the whole team had gone for the lunch, together. After usual chit chats, someone just coined this question: Whats the weirdest thing you have ate ? Now, while I was thinking about some bird that we hunted in childhood, a chinese teammates started encountering his incident. And his list was like

a. crocodile b. snake c. tortoise d. Frog  e. Dog f. some sort of insect

and I was like what !! how can anyone eat a dog :((

Another good thing is that I am back to reading. There is this bookstall nextdoor which sells the old novels at dirt cheap rates. 3 books for 10 SGD. I never found books that cheap in Hyderabad ! Bought three of them this friday, finished Airframe in a day, the others to go are Blink, As the Crow Flies and Xenocide.

Well besides everything, I miss Hyderabad a lot, my previous company friends, college friends, IIIT and ofcourse I miss my family members. Wish to visit hyderabad soon. Lets see when this wish materializes.

I have always been aware of Death. I have never doubted that he’s real and that he’s such a powerful being, no one can escape his might. I’ve always been aware of the indescribable pain and stark sense of loss that are his marks; and of the bottomless void and utter emptiness that he always carries with him wherever he goes.

But for a long time, Death was just a mythical presence in my mind, like Santa Claus who goes around giving gifts to every child on Christmas, but somehow manages to always overlook our house. I had always concluded that our house was so remote Santa Claus could not possibly find us, which was just fine by me because I was never concerned about receiving gifts from him. I had, in fact, been thankful that our house seemed to have been left out in the maps of the deities, especially whenever I would think about Death. Every time I let my mind wonder about him, I would envision Death having a hard time finding our house and that of our extended family. I would then smile to myself, thinking that somehow we had been tricking Death for sometime without him knowing it.

But not for long. Death eventually located where Inang (grandmother) and Amang (grandfather) lived. One night in December 2005, without warning, he forced entry into Amang and Inang’s door, and took my lovely Inang with him.

It was my first time to see Death up close. He was a gory sight, a horrible presence that sucked up happy emotions and thoughts, replacing them with despair and gloom. I felt awful being that close to him. Still, I tried to stand between him and my Inang and defiantly challenged him not to prey on the weak. But Death knows no dignity. He simply looked down on me, telling me there would be a time he’d deal with me, but not just yet. I smelled his putrid breath as he spoke; it was all I could do not to puke. I stared at him hard, and a chill ran through me. I noticed there was no heart inside his ribcage. He must have lost it some time ago; or maybe it was never there.

I watched as Death walked out of the house, carrying my Inang who was blissfully lost in her dreamless sleep. We knew we were defeated; there was nothing we could do. Our only consolation was that Inang didn’t seem to know what had happened; she looked at peace in her sleep.

The moment Death and Inang left, darkness enveloped the house, but this, we did not readily notice. We didn’t have the strength to go and switch on the lights; we were all consumed in our loss as we struggled to console Amang, who was so calm, having already surrendered everything to the God we prayed to every night. That night, though, life refused to flicker in Amang’s eyes.

My great loss threw me into a bottomless pit I never knew existed. I felt I had drowned or suffocated. My pain and loss gnawed at my very soul and ate a big piece of my being. Every time I felt the need to unleash my pain, I would let out all the water in the overflowing dam of my aching heart.

Then a new kind of fear enveloped me, realizing that Death was not yet done with us. He would be back, and in my heart I knew who he would take with him first. Since Inang’s departure, a kind of panic always enveloped me every time I looked at or thought of Amang. So I tried to be home more often and spend as much time with him as possible.

Death did come back, much sooner than I had thought. In May 2007, just over a year after he took Inang away from us, Death showed up at Amang’s door. He neither knocked on the door nor acknowledged us. He just went straight to Amang’s bed and gathered him into his cold, unfeeling embrace. How we shouted at Death to let go of Amang, how we tried to pull Amang free of the unwanted visitor’s powerful grip. But slowly, gradually, we lost. Death had Amang lying limp in his arms, and though they lingered a while longer, they too eventually left; leaving us to mend the shreds of our shattered hearts.

Life went on. We managed to accept our great losses. But life was never the same again for us who have been left behind. Where before I could simply go home and share a laugh with Inang and Amang, all I have left of them now is a memory — so alive Amang and Inang seem, so tangible are their images I swear I can feel them in my arms and hear their sweet laughter. But still, deep within me I know they are just shadows trying to ease my pain.

I will forever be thankful for the good memories that I have of Amang and Inang, but my heart sometimes can’t help but wish for more. The only thing that gives me strength when I think of them is the thought that they are together now, never to be separated from each other again. Death, after all, is the beginning of a life that never ends — a life that has no place for Death and his utter nothingness.

//Sherma E. Benosa

31 October 2007; 8:35pm

1. Character
2. Commitment
3. Communication
4. Trust
5. Appreciation

Now I realise that this list is in no means exhaustive. But I'm still researching the matter and I would really appreciate your comments. What ingredients are necessary for a successful relationship?

We are almost always cribbing about the problems in our lives. About how much we suffer and have to go through. About how cruel this life is; how unconcerned and selfish the people around us are; how inconsiderate our friends are towards us. We always consider our problems to be more than anyone else’s; we feel that we are going through a lot more than anyone has ever had to go through. I don’t blame anyone for that. I fall in the same category (Unfortunately). It is the inherent human nature.

We will never really understand the actual weight of our problems till we see it from another’s point of view. It is very easy to speak and write about looking at things from someone else’s eyes…. But it’s not very easy.

Movies like “In Her Shoes” and “Freaky Friday” show in a very simple way how difficult living somebody else’s life can be. The point is not understanding somebody else’s problems (trust me, till you are in their place, you never will), the point is getting a better understanding of the magnitude of your own problems.

Things are not always the way they seem… Their lives may not always be as easy as it looks…

“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are dead sure and the wise; full of doubt!”

This quote will probably have no relation with what I am writing; I just liked it.

When I see stuff around me, when I think about it, I try to identify, classify and categorize it. It helps me to relate to it easily then, sort of like indexing. :-)

What is the difference between knowing something and understanding it?

I know the Snell’s Law of Refraction… But I’ve never really understood it. (Odd example, I know, couldn’t think of anything better.)

In my 20 year long life (I feel old whenever I say that), I’ve met many people. There are many people whom I’ve known my entire life, and others I’ve known for shorter periods of time, but I know them pretty well. I mean, I “KNOW” them. But till date I haven’t been able to understand them. I can never relate to their actions, I just don’t understand.

And there have been people I’ve understood without knowing them. I can easily relate to their thoughts. Knowing them just helps me to connect to them in a more literal way. And just like a reciprocation, they understand who I am and accept my thoughts and thinking.

It’s very difficult, knowing someone so well, and not being able to understand them. It just means that I can’t relate to them. And it’s hard being close to them and not being able to relate to them. Over time, I’ve realized it’s wise to accept the fact that I won’t understand them and I have to live with it. :-)

On the other hand, it’s a pleasure knowing people who understand me. I can express myself very easily towards them…. Knowing they’ll never get me wrong.

It feels great!!!

so yeah les came over and we just kicked it today. we tried waterfront again, this time we got there earlier to be assured of a table and sure enough, we got one. it would've been nice to have a little bit more people but it was cool, i guess everyone had something to do. we went back to my house and sim'd a likely semifinals on 2k8 [spurs v. hornets] and it the spurs won by a blowout haha. after that, we did the same but for a popular finals scenario [lakers v. celtics] and it was a closeone with the lakers winning. yeah we were that bored, but it was a cool day, just chillin' and stuff.

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really though, i don't mind if i had the same dream again tonight. it wasn't bad, in fact quite the opposite. i guess it really just caught me off guard. i just wish there would be a way to record peoples' dreams. that would be so awesome. we would actually remember our dreams and we can go back whenever we wanted. we could watch our dreams over and over again and analyze things and stuff, ya know.

Yeah its gone. I went to the dentist today around 9 ish and thought I was there for just another drill & fill job, but the doctor seemed to have other plans for me, He drilled, wizzzed and hammered for half an hour then gave me a mirror. I marveled at my shiny new tooth for a second, then he took the mirror away and started all over again.

I didn't know he was planning on taking my wisdom tooth today! He never told me! All he said was that we're going to keep the wise teeth till last. But anyway, I wasn't about to put up a fight, I wanted to get rid of that tooth specifically (long history) so I agreed and let him start. I thought it would take more time coz wisdom teeth got a reputation to live up to! but no, all it took was less than a minute and it was out. Although I think my heart stopped more than once during that minute, I think it went pretty well. Its still thumping though.

All the way back home I was really mad that no one mentioned the possibility of getting stitches. No one told me!

Now I have to watch what I eat, no real food for 24 hours, plenty of ice cream, no hot drinks and always rinse gently. I just took 2 panadols and 1 other great pain killer (Mefac). I'm not feeling real pain at the moment thankGod.

It's tough being a housewife, okay housedaughter here. But the last few days I've been home, the dishes don't seem to end, to the extent that I was wondering why we use so many plates morning, noon and night! It's a tough job maintaining a house.....

I don't know what to expect tomorrow at work, I know I'll get through, though there are a few things. For one I'll have to brush up my Photoshop and Corel skills. It's been ages since I did that course when I was in JC. Also, I've never conducted interviews professionally or written professionally for that matter. Will wait and watch. I will also miss Deepak. That's a given. I don't think I'll ever have a colleague like him. He is way too patient and understanding. I was very overwhelmed by the send off and the gift. I'll miss the department and miss each and every person who frequented the place. Rite now because of the new job I haven't been thinking about the going part and also the admissions arent really in full swing, will have to wait till June to get a headway into that. That's it for now...will keep updating on what happens later :)

Me...

cuvintele ne bucura, ne supara, ne sacaie, ne incanta, ne linistesc, ne agita, ne place enorm sa le spunem, dar si sa le auzim. ele sunt totul...

“The Universe”, says The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy (Douglas Adams), “Is Big. You cannot imagine how hugely, vastly, mind-bogglingly big it is!”

I was watching the discovery channel; they were showing images of the earth taken from the ‘edge’ (I know it is not the right word, but it has to suffice) of our solar system. Planet earth looked just like a speck… just a bluish dot. When you look at images of the Milkyway Galaxy, you can hardly even see our sun.

Leaving all of this aside, what do you really think is the significance of the minute creatures called human beings, on Planet Earth, which we call our home?

We are, but insignificant beings, residing along with other species on this Planet. I don’t understand why we give ourselves so much air about ourselves being so important? We make some small blunder or folly, and then think about it for ages together… when actually, it doesn’t really matter. What f****** difference is one fly sitting on an elephants head going to make to the elephant???

We take all the unwanted, unnecessary actions into deep thought, those actions which won’t make any difference to anyone. And we throw big words at people who matter, hurt them (sometimes irreparably), and just move on like nothing has happened…

Where are we headed to?

She had two huge notebooks when we were in the recording studio. Full of ideas. And actually she writes really good poetry. She has phrases that are really grabbing. Like there was this one she wrote: Devil Wouldn't Recognise You. I saw it in her notebook and went Whoa! And it was like, ok, so now how do I turn that into a song! -- Justin Timberlake, on working with Madonna on her new album, Hard Candy.

If I could go clubbing with just one person in the whole world -- it'd be Madonna. That woman's a fireball of saucy fun. She isn't the queen of pop for nothing.

The closest thing to clubbing with Madonna is going to one of her concerts -- and getting front block standing space.

Madonna goes on the road in the fall of 2008. And she's calling it the Sticky & Sweet Tour. How tantalising -- we're considering dates already.

Is Madonna just for the gay crowd? Why can't straight people also enjoy her music? One thing is for sure though. We may think her music's frivolous, but her live shows are always insanely high energy. It's like getting a jolt of crack up your nose. She even gets the stoic Japanese crowd jumping into a froth.

Madonna's one of those old-school performers who sweats it out on stage. And she'll make sure you sweat too.

Seeing her live in 2006 was an unforgettable experience. And now's the chance to relive it.

HELLO GENTLE READERS:

I've heard my entire existance that "Life's Not Fair". How does anybody know? How do you measure it? Is there, like, an "unfair" unit? Maybe a "fair-it-ain't"! When you collect a certain number then you can attest to life's unfairness.

I'm poised at the exit portal of those two great eternities: birth and death. On balance, it seems as though life has been more than fair. If I listed a balance sheet, I'd be way ahead in the game. I have friends, family, I've known "My Ladies' Pleasures, played a song or two. I've never been hungry except by choice.

I occasionaly need to stop long enough to ask myself the simple question, "What do you need at this moment, Tom?" The answer is usually, "Nothing. I have everything I need in this moment in time. I'm good right now!"

I'm sure any five-year old could tell me why I'm wrong. Maybe, it depends on what you choose to measure. Choose wisely!    tom vickers

I loved this when I was a kid, along with The Little Mermaid, it was my favourite movie when I was a kid. The music, the story, the fantasy, the fairytale. They just don't make movies like these anymore. Disney had a revival in the nineties when they did the films I mentiond, along with Aladding, The Lion King and, to some extent, Pocahontas and Mulan, although for the last I had outgrew those films, now I'm in that age when I can look back and appreciate those films.

Now it's no more fairytales. The happy endings still are there, but the fairytale aspect has disappeared. In stead we have shock value, innovation stories. There's not anything wrong with them, but it doesn't have to be all or nothing, sometimes simple is all you need.

When I watched Beauty and the Beast yesterday, I still love it. The fairytale, the music, the characters, even the moral of the story (beauty within) isn't shoved down our throats, we're left to discover the beauty of the beast by ourselves. I don't know what else to say, I just love it.

PLOT: A young, handsome prince is magically transformed into a beast when judging an old lady based on appearance. To return to being a man, he must learn to love and be loved. Belle, a beautiful, eccentric young girl winds up as a prisoner in his castle and the Beast sees his chance for love.

I thought with my previous post about the soldier getting in trouble for shooting a copy of the Quran, it was appropriate. Enjoy We're All Going To Hell by The Bastard Fairies!

Lonely is what I Feel.

Zombie is what I've become.

According to Major General Jeffrey Hammond:

"The actions of one soldier were nothing more than criminal behavior," Hammond said. "I've come to this land to protect you, to support you -- not to harm you -- and the behavior of this soldier was nothing short of wrong and unacceptable."

(Source: CNN.com)

Another military "official" apparently kissed a Quran and presented it as a gift to sine tribal sheiks.

Well, here we have the US military kissing asses and Qurans and punishing soldiers who shoot books? I wonder what would happen if a whole lot of soldiers started shooting Qurans for a free ride home?

And then you have Iraqis crying about it being a crime. It's a book. Get over it and yourselves.

Here we have an American soldier defending the government of Iraq and America getting punished because he doesn't like the holy book of terrorism and barbarism--and his own chain of command screwing up his career in a heartbeat to kiss ass. Remember your oath? Enemies, foreign and domestic? There are a lot of those in the chain of command anymore.

Your leadership will sell you out in a heartbeat; happens every time in the military. The good news, if American servicemembers want to come home all they need to do is shoot, burn or piss on a Quaran. Wouldn't it be funny as hell if a few thousand decided to voice their disgust with the mission in Iraq, the government of Iraq, and our own political leaders by doing a simple thing that in America we have the freedom to do, but in the faux 'democrazy' of Iraq you cannot?

Nancy Pelosi has been going about it all wrong. She ought to just stand next to a giant cardboard cutout of John Wayne and suggest that real Americans would shoot or burn or piss on or otherwise desecrate the Quaran. The war would be over in a flash as our welcome was worn out and soldiers were sent stateside by the thousands.

If anyone knows who that sniper was, pass along the word that he's forever welcome at my fire. You have brothers-in-arms (both current and former) out there that won't sell you out. We aren't at all like our Quran-kissing government and certain Quran-kissing officers appointed by it.

I can't wait for the hate-mail. I'll have something to read at least. Truthfully, I could care less. Islam is a religion of hate and intolerance and the Quran promotes oppression, barbarity, and everything that stands against the values of Western civilization. Since I'm not in the Army anymore, I think I'll go buy a copy of the Quran to shoot, burn and piss on in a showing of support and solidarity for the unfortunate sniper who was merely expressing his dissatisfaction with the war.

In fact, I invite all members of Western Civilization to join me in this show of support.

In fact, I think we ought to create a Pro Western Civilization and Freedoms Day, where we celebrate by burning copies of the Quran and posting cartoons of Muhammad online. I nominate July 4 as the perfect day since there will already be lots of bangs and burning going on.

To anyone who might think to complain about my characterization, don't bother until millions of Muslims condemn terrorism and take to the streets protesting against Hezbollah, Hamas, Islamic Jihad, Al Qaeda and Muqtada Al Sadr. You see, if you take exception with my characterization that the Quran doesn't advocate violence and oppression, then you must demonstrate it and your willingness to condemn those (and even fight against them) who use it for those purposes. Until the Muslim world does, their silent condoning of it will win them no sympathy from me.

It's time we call it like it is. Religion is screwing up our world and holding human progress back. All religions. I'm all for spirituality and a belief in the divine...but the moment people organize and declare some moral authority and knowledge of the divine that another cannot access for personal, political and other reasons and begin seeking money, influence and power...that's where I draw the line at tolerating it.

Maybe while I'm at it I'll shoot, burn and piss on copies of a Bible and the Torah as well. It is largely the Abrahamic faiths that have screwed up the world for most of the last several millennia after all. I wonder if that sniper is willing to shoot a copy of the Bible?

Now, lest you think I don't understand the need for being sensitive to the concerns of people in a host nation while on a military mission, you're quite wrong. What he did was not smart at all.

But a crime? Please. Already I have read on liberal blogs how horrible this whole thing was, yet those same liberals are too happy to condone real crimes that illegal aliens commit in coming to this country and the real crimes they commit after they are here, and the crimes of the unethical business owners who hire them to make an easy dollar, and the crimes of the politicians who seek to give our nation away.

July 4, baby. Send my your Quran videos and photos.

In fact, I think I may do something I have not previously done and open my blog up to blogging by anyone who wants to guest blog on the topic of the conflict between Western civilization and the forces of Islamification, the topic of religious corruption and misuse, or on the topics of freedoms and liberties. In fact, I'm declaring now that the entire month of June and the first week of July, I am now accepting and soliciting posts on those topics should anyone care to jump in on the issues.

I'm not saying I will take any and all submissions and post them, but if it is well written and you ran a spell check, there's no reason it won't get posted--unless it is full of hate-mongering and comments that are slurs, racist rantings, etc. Let that be clear: I take exception with ideologies and actions and politics and even with individuals, but not with any race or ethnic group (I'm multi-racial myself after all).

Yesterday, my appraisal was fantastic. I was so nervous (thanks for your goodlucks!!) as usual, but it was all good. :)

• My boss gave me a a pretty good rating (4/5 - I wonder why I was not worth the 5 marks, though I know myself, I want to hear it from him. BUT. I WAS TOO HAMCHEE. So never mind.)
• I've got a small increment after 4 months of work (i think i already announced it somewhere else in my brog)
• I'm gonna be able to claim OT (because I informed him that I felt that I was being made to stay back for work that isn't urgent)
• I told him about my plans to study this year. I was so afraid he'd get pissed cos I've only been here for 4 months but instead, he asked me what school i applied for and which school i want to go to in his usual expressionless face. Then when I told him what school, he scrunched up his eyebrows (there's a very nice word for this but I can't remember) and started thinking. I FREAKED.He started reciting the names of the biggest firms in the place I was going. I blurted, "BUT I WANT TO WORK FOR *name of my firm*!!" And he went, "No no.. I could write you letters of recommendation to these firms for you to work part-time or during your holidays."

  .
  ..
  ...

  I DIDN'T EVEN ASK!! OMG THIS IS SO NICE OF HIM!! BEST BOSS IN THE ENTIRE GALAXY HOOO!!!!

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I have a new camera! Strictly it is the family's camera, but CMONNNNN. Only I ever use it. Gmasked my camera (screen only because apparently the material of my cam is not suitable for Gmasking), iPod and handphone (for free cos i provided the screen protector hurhur) yesterday!!!

Things I bought:

Can see my toe cleavage hur hur.

This is a Rootote!

This shoulder tote bag has a side pocket (called "ROO POCKET"), you do not have to open and close the bag every time you take something out. It is good for small things like wallets, pass-cases and mobile phones.

GOT WABBIT! I ish a wabbit.

WE ARE WABBITS!! *chomp chomp chomp*

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I love STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!

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Yesterday afternoon, I fell into a deep sleep. Considering that I just had a 12 hour sleep, it was really strange.

I had a really really bad dream.

I dreamt that I was in love.

His face wasn't very clear, sometimes it felt like you, sometimes it felt like him. It was beautifully dark, as I like it, in the whole dream. We were cuddling in dark cold places. We were reading together in a dark room. We were looking out into dark skies.

The last scene before I woke up was this:

I was lying on him, and he was sound asleep. I felt his chest rise and fall, his breath warmed the top of my head. It was so real.

Then slowly, he started breathing slower, slower, slower.... and it stopped.

In my dream I started crying, but it was like I knew this death was impending, which is why I continued crying on his lifeless body.

I woke up sobbing. It was all too real.

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I am feeling happier. :)

More photos, more stories to tell but for now, off to din din!