Headlines

An experiment

Taking the top headlines, just the tag title, and, saying the first thing that comes to mind.  I’m really bored.

            The motivation behind this little experiment is two fold.  I am so fucking bored that I am getting buggy, but, more so, I have spent my life loving the news.  I love to read it, watch it and hear about it and I am old enough that I remember when news was news, when it was information and it was trusted.  That’s just not the case anymore and there are probably a number of reasons for this ridiculous phenomena; immediate information, the world is going to hell in a hand basket and government is forcing it’s hand like big brother does to control all aspects of information.  I have chosen CNN as my first victim for this experiment because of all the news programs CNN still tries to give the news.  They have to vie for ratings so they play the same games as the rest but they do are still in the clutches of the claws of the beast.  I will take a look at MSNBC next and I will leave the best for last, FOX.  I hate FOX with a real passion.  They are completely insane and driven by sensationalism and inducing fear in their followers because they know that our nation is a nation of stupid, frightened people, so, what better way to get ratings than to just scare the shit out of everyone.

            I sincerely believe that the fall of our ability to get news that is biased, fair and (for Christ’s sake) honest is one of the greatest indicators that our nation is in the shitter just waiting for the big hand to pull the chain.

Paul Newman dies at 83

            Well this is very, very sad.  Especially for people my age and older.  Paul Newman was so fucking cool.  His movies were cool and he himself was cool.  He was also a good and decent man which is rare in Hollywood.  The most important thing here though is that CNN has been running it as the top story all day and I was very happy to see that they showed that kind of respect.  The top story wasn’t about how cute Palin is or something even more inane.

Stars honor screen legend Newman

            Next headline is of course the milking process of the news item.  This isn’t bad.  Newman worked in Hollywood and was one of the more respected actors in that town, so I think it would be nice for them to honor him.  Hell they should honor him for a few days, or even more.  Of course I’m sure AMC will have a marathon of his movies and that will be a wonderful way to spend the evening once I get through with this.  Newman’s name will be the one at the awards shows this year that will bring a tear to a lot of eyes.

People: Newman's life in photos | People: Covers

            And let the milking continue!  But, again I think it’s nice to do something like this for Paul Newman.  He was an American Icon.  He was there when this country was a vital and significant force.  We were cool and suave and charming and yet, we were strong and fierce which is nothing like we are now, and at least it’s milking something that should be milked and not continual stories about how much of an idiot Palin is but she’s cute, no experience at all, but damn, she’s cute.  Some Middle Eastern ruler raved about how cute she was.  What the fuck people!  This woman will be running the country because her old presidential running mate isn’t going to make it four more years.  Do we want this woman running the country?  I digress.  I would have been happier is another magazine was where the pictures came from.  People magazine is one of the worst whores when it comes to reporting whatever it is that they call the garbage in that magazine, it’s not news.  The whole pay exorbitant amounts for baby pictures when people are losing their homes are more than I can tolerate.

Tribute: Who wouldn't want to be Paul Newman?

            Ok, this is starting to become stupid.  Didn’t anyone die in the war today?  I’m sure someone got thrown out of their house today and is wondering where they are going to live.  These types of articles are the ones that make me so frustrated.  I don’t care if people read these type of idiotic waste of words but this is the fourth Newman article and, now remember I’m going by the title, this article appears to be about who wants to be Paul Newman.  Well right at this minute only the damaged would want to be him because, oh yea, he’s dead!  I believe the format that is so popular now where the public gets to write observations, opinions and news stories and answer a multitude of surveys and questions is a great thing.  I love it but don’t put it in the main headline.  They have places for that.  Ireporter or whatever it is.  The Mixx.  I like these sites and I use them and I love blogs but when I want news from CNN, I want news.

Larry King on iconic Newman | Video

First problem here of course is Larry King.  Does anyone really watch Larry fucking King anymore?  The man is the most uncomfortable interviewer I have ever witnessed.  All the humming and huffing and grunting the man does is so annoying that it makes me sweat.  He can’t interview and I just don’t understand why he still does or why anyone ever thought it was a good idea to have him do interviews.  He’s like Geraldo, a freak of nature.  Maybe the whole thing that draws people to these kinds of goof balls is that freak show mentality.

The day Paul Newman dropped in...

            The title suggests a human interest article and I would find that enjoyable because I like human interest stories, but maybe there should be a place where human interest stories go and a headline about the government becoming big brother to a tremendous extent by buying our mortgage loans and our banks would make more sense.  I think the Paul Newman headlines have gone to far now.  Let the tabloid sites take care of these stories or let CNN’s entertainment section take care of it.  A front page headline that goes into detail about the death of a man like Paul Newman is wonderful, but, let’s get to the news.

TCM: Watch Paul Newman in 'The Hustler'

            This sounds like a commentary article by the title and again I like commentaries but for fuck sake this is the sixth headline for Paul baby on CNN’s top headlines.  What the hell?  I’m sure Bush is doing something so profoundly stupid that there should be a headline somewhere about it.  Paul is dead; let’s get on with the news.

First Obama-McCain debate full of contrasts

Round 1 in debates goes to Obama, poll says

Analysis: Debate fails to deliver knockout blow

Video transcript: The first debate

Fact checks on candidate statements

            Ok here we go.  The next five headlines of CNN.  The debate.  The first talks about contrasts.  Ironically the second headline should have been the first but then Obama is a black man running for president so why give him any credit for being an articulate, intelligent man that is debating a seventy-something year old man that basically just vomits up what the last eight years have already said.  The third headline uses a knockout blow as part of the title which irritates the hell out of me.  I don’t like analogies that suggest that we need to see something or someone get knocked to the mat unconsciousness.  The whole sports reference to non-sports activities is ridiculous.  The fourth title doesn’t really pull me in at all.  Video transcript of the first debate.  What the hell does that mean?  Is it the debate?  Is it the written script of the debate and why the fuck was there a script?

            And, of course, let’s make sure they are telling the truth.  Who the hell knows what the truth is anymore.  The truth hasn’t been told for so long that we don’t even look for truth anymore.  We look for the flair and the splash and the knock out punch.  We don’t’ give rats ass about the truth just entertain us and look good while you are doing it.

Biden's new role: McCain fact-checker  

Ticker: Obama mocks McCain

            Ah, the election.  Possibly the most important election in the history of this country and we have finally gotten to news about the election.  Biden is the fact checker.  Well lets be god damn glad someone is checking the facts.  Obama mocks McCain.  It appears that Obama is always mocking McCain.  I think the truth of the matter is that it’s not hard to mock McCain.  He says really stupid shit a lot of the time.  He’s too old.  For Christ’s sake he is too old!  I like McCain as a person.  I think he’s a good politician but he’s too old to be the next president of the United States, and he is a clone of the last eight years, a more intelligent clone but still the same policies, the same government and this will destroy this nation once and for all.  It’s so obvious that Obama is the best candidate for the job and yet he will have to fight to the very end because he is a black man.  How in the hell does this still go on and why isn’t this the top news story?  Breakinig News!  The nation of The United States of America is still a racist ignorant place.  Do not go there to live.

CNNMoney: Bailout outlook remains murky

Senate-passed spending bill lifts drilling ban

            The bailout looks murky.  Man that is so surprising.  The next headline is the one that scares me.  How the hell did the senate passed spending bill have anything to do with lifting drilling ban?  I guess things do look murky.  The two headlines together don’t make any sense.  Bailout looks murky but it’s passed and somehow we are going to be able to drill for oil again.  I think they call that pork belly or maybe it’s just porking the American people again.  By the time you get to these headlines who the hell cares if the bailout looks murky.  I’m looking for a sedative by this time.  As I continue on this trek I find myself becoming very agitated and frustrated with the whole experiment.  It seems to be to be too great of a challenge to understand just how absolutely ridiculous this whole thing has become.  We are so in the throws of chaos that we don’t even know it anymore, but I will continue.  I will prevail.

Pirates demand millions for ship

            Finally a headline.  A news story.  Pirates still exist and they have seized a ship and want millions for it or they will rape and kill the women and children and will piss on the heads of the captain and crew.

Tropical Storm Kyle now a hurricane | Path

            I’m guessing that there are a few people who are interested in this story but by now they have ran out into the streets and are looking for a car that can run them down.  With the trouble that hurricanes have caused in this country and the dirt that they have dug up along with people’s homes and lives this should have been a more important article.

China baby milk crisis called deplorable

            Again this is another news story that I think is more notable than some of the garbage that preceded it, but of course this is also a video and I really wish someone would inform CNN that their video news stories suck.  After you watch the ads and the plugs you get a little bit of information about the story and you usually have to reboot your computer because of the memory that these things use up.  Christians look for these articles.  They love to see articles about countries that don’t believe in their mean and vindictive God.  They can use these stories as examples to show how the rest of the world is going to hell.  Let me assure you if there really was a hell this nation is sitting pretty.  We are the theme park of hell.

Alec Baldwin 'can't wait' to give up acting 

CNN Wire: House approves nuclear...

            I brought these two together because they are the last two of the primary headlines of CNN.  They are not related at all but oh how they identify the fundamental problems of reporting the news.  I known I swear a lot but, if you are going to read what I write get used to it.  Swearing is a part of our language.  They are words and they work to express feeling and emotions.  That said, what in the Sam fucking hell is Alec Baldwin doing in the top headlines of CNN, unless he died or he’s been having sex with donkeys and maybe not then.  And, oh and I know it’s improper to start a sentence with the word and, but sometimes it works, and, it’s about him giving up acting.  Who the fuck cares.  Tell me!  Give me one person’s name who cares that Alec Baldwin wants to give up acting and I will make fun of them.  Of course the tragedy here is the second headline.  House approves nuclear…  Nuclear what? 

            Well this was a long and strange journey and I can only imagine that it will get worse on the MSNBC trail.  Even thought MSNBC is a liberal reporting medium and I am so liberal that there isn’t a definition for it MSNBC seems to take liberal thinking and turn it into something stupid and ridiculous.  FOX will be the one that will destroy me because they are so vile and terrible that I will not survive the end of their top headlines.  I will be out in the parking lot naked screaming for a release from this insanity.

I need a nap.

Enjoy

Read the New York Times.

auf: xkcd.com (386)