By Paul Thornton

A NOISY neighbour has breached her ASBO – by rearranging furniture in the middle of the night.

Sonia Menzies, 25, was hit with an anti social behaviour order in August, part of which meant she was to keep the noise at her Edinburgh flat down.

But she was arrested in the early hours of yesterday (Wednesday) after a fed-up resident in the flat below her was kept up by the sound of furniture being pushed around.

She had been woken by the racket and was forced to flee her home, taking her dog for a walk to get some peace, just after midnight.

When she returned she noticed the lights of Menzies’ flat were still on, and the unusual antics were still afoot.

She called the police, who arrested Menzies and when she appeared yesterday (Wednesday) at Edinburgh Sheriff Court she pleaded guilty to a breach of her ASBO.

Her lawyer, Sandra Walker, admitted it had been “unusual behaviour”.

She said: “Miss Menzies had ordered a carpet for her son’s room and it was due to arrive today (Wednesday) and she had to have the furniture cleared by this morning.

“She had started moving the furniture but had fallen asleep and panicked when she woke up in the early hours of the morning and began again.”

Sheriff Alistair Noble said: “This seems to be a lack of consideration for your neighbours.”

He released Menzies on bail and she will be sentenced later this month.

"An ASBO is a civil order, not a criminal penalty – they are not intended to punish the offender – however, breach of the order can lead to a fine or imprisonment or both" and "ASBOs are not given lightly and the council and police need to have substantial evidence that a person has caused harassment, alarm and distress to others" are quotes from the Crawley Borough Council Website. I was concerned by the reference to a civil order leading to a fine or imprisonment and automatically wary of the words 'substantial' and 'evidence' being used in conjunction with the words 'council' and 'police' [apart from the traditional complaints about the police, you may also remember the case of the spying council misusing ant-terror legislation - BBC account] and the quote fails to make clear that the police and council are not, in fact, the final arbiters of this substantial evidence - magistrates are, which I actually find reassuring as I would prefer to have magistrates rule on my case than police or council officials. One complaint often made is that, although an ASBO is a civil order, breaching an ASBO can get you sent down for up to six months on summary conviction or five years if convicted on indictment[2]. This isn't quite as unfair as it may seem at first sight (assuming that your knee-jerk reactions are as woolly and liberal as mine tend to be). Breach of an ASBO is actually treated in a similar way to other criminal offences (remember that, while an ASBO is a civil order, breaching an ASBO is a criminal offence[3]). Petty offences may be heard in a summary trial by magistrates and more serious (indictable) offences may be heard by the Crown Court with judge and jury, while triable-either-way offences probably need no explanation. Whatever the arguments for or against ASBOs, it looks like I was wrong to assume that someone could be sent down without a proper trial.

This post was written some time ago and was intended to partner a 'sister' blog post on whether ASBOs worked or not. In order to write the sister post, I needed before-and-after crime stats to see whether crime was reduced in areas that were more likely to use ASBOs. Unfortunately, the way crime is recorded keeps changing and I was therefore unable to find comparable figures [how anyone can tell whether crime is rising or falling is beyond me]. This meant I couldn't write my sister post and I didn't think it was worth writing this as a stand-alone blog post. Today though, I read a piece about kids with ASBOs being mentally ill. Ben Goldacre described this on his miniblog as "Just another bland example of flaky overhyped unreferenced speculative reductionist comedy reporting." The Mirror has run the story here. I thought I'd take a quick look at the story and jot down a few of my thoughts. This blog post will now become what Traffic Cops must fear - a cut-and-shut job.

Everyone loves a nice straightforward, linear explanation for behaviour. The boys who killed Jamie Bulger were "evil", depression is caused by deficiency in a single neurotransmitter and now children with ASBOs are described as mentally ill because they tend not to have a typical increase in cortisol levels when placed in a stressful situation. Basically, they are saying that kids who aren't as scared as their peers are mentally ill and that this is all caused by a simple lack of a single neurotransmitter. Of all the descriptive terms used by Ben Goldacre, I think the most striking is 'reductionist' - probably because it seems to be a recurring theme in our society. There are probably many reasons why the suggestion that 'ASBO kids are mentally ill due to deficiency in cortisol' could be a load of old bollocks, but one that occurred to me was this: perhaps kids who are in trouble frequently enough to receive an ASBO are used to being in stressful situations. Perhaps they are 'acclimatised' to stressful situations because of their background, their family situation, the area in which they live? Perhaps what we call stressful is to them everyday and ordinary. Whatever - my point is that it probably isn't helpful (at least at this early stage) to make public claims that these children are mentally ill or that their antisocial behaviour can be put down to deficiency in a single chemical. Presumably, Big Pharma is looking up “cortisol agonist” in order to start R&D on a new anti-antisocial behaviour drug. Big Altie has, as ever, beaten Big Pharma to the punch. Patrick Holford recommends Pantothenic Acid to increase levels of cortisol (Optimum Nutrition Bible, p 219). Well, he points out that Pantothenic Acid is needed to produce sufficient cortisol and then claims that in times of stress you need more of the nutrients he mentions in his book. Later on in ONB (p 261), he recommends Ginseng, Rhodiola and Reishi mushrooms to ‘maintain normal levels of cortisol’. They’ve got the cure – they’ve just been waiting for someone to invent the disease.

This is the type of story I might expect to be covered by Soveda on the Musings of a phenomenologist blog or perhaps the BPS Research Digest, but I've just looked and I can't see it on either site yet. I'd be interested to see what others made of the story, so if you have any opinions on the description of antisocial youths as mentally ill or the idea that antisocial behaviour can be ascribed to deficiency in a single chemical then please leave a comment or link to your blog post on the subject. I'd love to read more opinion on this. Especially if those opinions are better informed than mine. Ooh, speaking of better informed opinions: first up is the meaningful occupation blog. Nice work OT!

1. Guess Who Is it a woman? Does she have red hair? Does she wear glasses?

2. Legal Shit an' that (The Office of Public Sector Information - their main page is here: http://www.opsi.gov.uk/).

3. Wikipedia: Summary_offence; Indictable_offence; Magistrates_court.

EDIT: I've now seen a pdf of the study and the authors discuss the possibility that the kids could be acclimatised to stress (as I clumsily put it). "Both CD subgroups may have experienced increased social adversity during development (e.g., maltreatment), or, because of heightened risk-taking behaviors, they may place themselves in stressful situations more frequently than other adolescents (leading to habituation to stressors)." See here for more: asbos-and-cortisol [PDF]

Which relegates me to the glorious dregs of public transportation, where you can experience a lifetime's worth of experience just trying to get home from an evening out. Mind you, not all experiences are worth having. I mean, living in a cave with Osama bin Laden isn't an experience I'd wish to partake of. I wouldn't care to shack up in a cave (or anywhere else for that matter) with Robbie Williams either. Or George Clooney. Or Nicholas Cage. As for Andrew Garfield (oy, such a nice Jewish boy!) ... now you're talking! And let's throw in Jamie Draven while we're at it. If Osama still insists on lurking around, we can always get him to make the kebabs. But that meat had better be Halal!

Right, so where was I? Oh, yeah, trying to get home. I can write a book about this, believe me - and who knows, maybe one day I will. Perhaps another in my Erotic Travel Tales (Amazon US/UK/Ca) anthology series. Erotic Travel Tales on British Public Transport - now there's a catchy title. Or how about Erotic Tube Tales? Err... no, better scrap that one! Speaking of which, I always need the tube (London Underground to you non-Brits) and the train to get home. Note that I'm not factoring in the bus in this discussion, since I tend to avoid them now that I'm living in the Greater London area. I've had my fill of psychotic drivers who slam on the brakes in a standing-room only bus, then sit back and enjoy the mayhem. These early-release programmes from prison just don't work, in my humble opinion.

The other week while waiting on a train platform, I observed a young couple arguing heatedly over the controversial subject of mayonnaise. And yes, I mean that creamy white stuff you slather onto bread when you make a sandwich. I edged discreetly away from the pair, concerned there might be bloodshed. I mean, a discussion of mayonnaise would surely have propelled even a peaceful chap such as Mahatma Gandhi into the ranks of ASBO status. Things soon calmed down, however, when the fellow nearly broke into tears, proclaiming to his woman in a sledgehammer urban London accent that he wanted to be the best he could be for her (a rather syphilitic-looking specimen), and that he was concerned for her health (bit late for that, mate!). I almost wept I was so moved. Well, no, actually I didn't.

The night would later reach a climactic crescendo as I walked home from the railway station and happened upon a quartet of lads with pint glasses in hand, whereupon two of them (the lads, not the pint glasses) proceeded to urinate the lager they'd been consuming all evening against some unsuspecting trees. (I've heard of taking the piss, but this is ridiculous!) They didn't seem bothered about me, although that's probably got more to do with the fact that I don't look like I belong, since I don't go around with my arse (and the bit wot goes in front) sticking out from under my skirt or my boobs falling out of my top or - the ultimate giveaway - staggering about shriekingly drunk on heels so high they'd give a normal woman (or trannie) nosebleed. Nope, I'm definitely not one of these fair English maidens who end the evening unconscious in a gutter with an all-new strain of STD incubating in their loins.

Now I suppose I could regale you with some tales of true horror, but that wouldn't be fair. After all, it's not all gloom and doom in the big bad world of British public transport. Why, I've even had my fair share of romance on these journeys, and that doesn't include eavesdropping on couples indulging in sweet-talk about Hellmann's or being felt up in a crowded tube train - which luckily has never happened to me and likely never will, since I AM the woman who edited Getting Even: Revenge Stories (Amazon US/UK/Ca) remember? Anyway, one time there was this rather curious fellow across from me on the train making quick work of two large tins of lager who kept insisting I listen to the music playing on his iPod, as I was sure to "love it". I told him I only love Staind. He seemed to believe my love would extend to the song he was playing (and perhaps to him). It didn't. He was crushed. Bad enough I'd broken his heart, but when he got off the train at the same stop as me, well... let's just say that I walked pretty darned fast up that hilly road home!

Then there was that proposal of marriage from a rather cute bloke who, in an empty train, decided to come sit near me (thank god for CCTV), only to spend the next few minutes gazing at me all starry-eyed. He finally blurted out something about my being a very attractive woman (so who am I to argue?) and pleading with me again and again to please please let him kiss me. He later called out to me to please please wait as I hurried along the station platform to the exit - and consequently, away from his matrimonially minded clutches. Last I heard he was heading off to Southend (or Sarfend as it's known round 'ere).

I admit London is probably the place to see and experience it all (whether you want to or not), but that's not to say other cities in Britain are lacking in travel weirdness. The strangest (well, it's a toss-up since it's ALL pretty effing strange) was in a Leicester taxicab, where the driver held me hostage outside my flat as he begged me to let him take me out to dinner. He insisted he could make me happy; apparently he knew what I needed in my life and he could offer this to me - and I should give him a chance to prove himself. I gotta admit, that would've been one hell of an offer if he hadn't been so keen for us to move to India - though I reckon it would've been a lot more exciting than Leicester. He wrote his mobile number on the back of the taxi company's card, then grabbed my hand, not letting go until I promised to call him. Funny that he didn't waive the fare though. Now THAT would have made me happy.

Gosh. I do hope he's not still waiting for my call...

In your facebook is a brand new concept, in essence it is an "Anti-Social Network" where the scum of the earth can gather to hurl abuse at each other and brag about their criminal records. To register with In Your Facebook you have to possess at least one ASBO, so there are chavs-a-plenty threatening to "batta" each other.

Fix the cause not the symptoms
As always it seems that the government is looking for a "fix" for the symptoms rather than looking to see is there a "Route Cause". They take a cursory look at the parents and either blame them for everything, threaten to send them to prison or fine them for not taking control of their kids, or they slap an ASBO on the kid and hope that telling them they can't go there or do that will stop them.

Lets ask WHY
A better questions would be to ask Why do the young people feel as bored as they do, or why do they seem so lacking in drive, why are they so aimless, not care about anything, why such a lack of purpose, vision or drive?

We are the cause - This and previous generations
Have you ever considered that it is OUR FAULT? This generation and the prior ones for simply brain washing them into believing that life has no meaning or value? There is no point to their existence. The fact that they are here at all is, we tell them, because of a freak chance, the result of some cosmic accident millions of years ago. Their existence is chance and after surviving in this world it ends and they return to oblivion, the same nothingness that they came from.

No morals without a moral absolute
Given that world view why are we surprised that they have no respect for authority, no idea of right and wrong, no common decency or morals. Morals can not exist without a moral absolute and we tell them there are no absolutes. That would be wrong (assuming we can say it is absolutely wrong rather than just wrong for them). Instead we say well truth is relative, what is right for you might not be right for me. And yet when they say that this behaviour which is wrong for you (anti-social even) is not wrong for them, after its all relative anyway! This goes to show that they were in fact listening at school, they did take it in, and took it to heart.

Can we expect more?
If you believe that this life is all there is and then there is nothing, why are we expecting them to do anything than live for the fun of the moment. This moment after all might be their last moment! If we tell them that survival of the fittest, natural selection is what caused us to be here then why would they not all be sleeping together, getting pregnant, expanding the race to evolve and live equally pointless lives ... especially if that process is fun!

You reap what you sow
I believe that the moral decline we are seeing, the lack of respect demonstrated for the law, authority of any kind, the family etc is a direct result of the teaching as FACT the theory of evolution. Whilst, I believe that the biblical account of creation is true and scientifically justifiable I do recognise that not everyone holds to this truth as truth and may argue that the biblical account is a THEORY also. I would therefore suggest that both CREATION & EVOLUTION are taught together as plausible theories, or even "intelligent design" if the whole bible account is just so unpalatable for people to swallow in one go. This said I do believe that the current wave of ASBO Fever and the sharp rise in Anti-social behaviour is directly related to the fact that we have told these kids "This is it - This life is it!"

More to Life Than This!
I believe that there is more to life than this. I don't hold to the fact that I am a freak of some cosmic mutation of chance. I refuse to believe that my life counts for nothing, that my decisions matter not one dot, that if I am "good" (however that might be defined), or moral that the result is the same regardless. If is suffer for a good cause it matters not in the scheme of eternity. I refuse to believe that the wonders we see on this planet and in our solar system are random fluke. That it intricacies of the human eye is the result of some mutant cell deciding to crawl out of some soup, grow legs and become human. There must be more to life than this ... deep down we all ask the questions why am i here, where am I going, what is the point? Deep down we all know there must be more to life than this ... and I have discovered there is!

There is purpose and eternal life
I believe that there is a purpose to my life and yours. That god created the universe and he created you. He knows you, he knows all about you ... yea even that! And he loves you. He wants you to love him too, that's why all those years again Jesus came, walked the earth and got involved hands on. Just like today we believed we knew best. Ignored him and killed him, but he rose again, beat death and lives today. This act took the punishment you deserved so you might be able to know God. You may have heard that a thousand times before ... but have you really considered it. Because if its true, and i believe it is, then it has eternal significance for you, this generation and those kids getting ASBOs, because if its true there is a point to our lives, our decisions and actions do matter and there is a bigger picture than here and now

Your call
If these thoughts have provoked you to think about eternity, your future, the purpose of your life and actions then I would urge you to find a good church where you can go and ask some straight questions. I am part of a family of churches called NewFrontiers. Why not Click here to see if there is one near you. They will be really happy to answer any questions you might have and you look to enquire more about Jesus.

- A Gold medal to former Olympic athlete Sean Baldock,who came to Bexhill Leisure centre last week to help encourage kids into sport, by organising a mini-games.Nice idea, to show them that the only badge they should aspire to is a winner's badge not an ASBO.

- Kids at Superstart Pre School, Torrens Rd, New Zealand, got into the Olympic spirit. All aged two to five, representing different countries, the toddlers proudly waved flags sang the New Zealand anthem before the Olympic Games’ opening ceremony.How cute is that and what a wonderful idea by school officials to get chiuldren into the spirit of world community.

1 Section 179 notes that publicising names of ASBO recipients infringes their rights to privacy and leaves them vulnerable to hostile media attention. 

The likely reaction out in the world? “Well, that serves them right. They should have thought of that first.”

2 Section 188 addresses the conditions in which children are held in custody, and the fact that they get little fresh air, are often over 100 miles from home or contact with their families, and that they get little meaningful training.

The likely reaction? “Well they had their chance – they had it coming to them.”

3. Section 176 points out that the media stereotype of young people is of “thugs and yobs” and that fear of young people is consistently fuelled by this negative portrayal.

Likely reaction from the majority? “Well, they are. Just look at all the shootings and stabbings in London.”

Any official ministerial response will sound good, whatever they really think. But lots of people really think these things deep down – I hear it verbalised regularly. Someone somewhere needs to make it very widely known that these are children we are talking about, and that they are the result of the society we have allowed to evolve.

So here are some points I would want us to make if we get embroiled in the discussion:

1 Re: “They should have thought of that first”  and being shamed in public.

Children, because of their cognitive immaturity, and adolescents, because of their rapid neurophysiological changes, are not always able to think first and act second. So whose rule says “should”? It certainly isn’t in the developmental manuals. But it is entirely reasonable that adults should consider likely consequences before they pass laws or organise families. And are we the only ones who understand that the damage of being shamed leads to more violent efforts to avoid feeling it?

2 What exactly is the “it” that the imprisoned young people had coming to them? 

Was it the unfair judgements, the misunderstanding of their behaviour, their inability to access education before things went wrong? Locking up, confining and punishing is the “it” derived from the worldmap of a non-comprehending adult.

3 “Well, they are [thugs and yobs].”

What – all young people? No exceptions? The commissioners see it differently, and so do therapists and other health professionals. But who else does? Let’s turn the nouns into verbs to make it clearer: “thugging” and “yobbing”. Why are these few young people thugging and yobbing? Who formed their environment, their stress, their trauma and their lack of containment and mirroring? You’ve got it: the adults around them.

So I hope that those in government who read this report will be challenged to acknowledge their part in how things are, their refusal to actually change anything and their sheer lack of understanding as to what has caused the Commissioners to have to write this document. 

And by the way, if you’re into EFT, which is very successful with troubled young people, you might be interested in attending this conference.

He has also written about what a full faith might consist of.

The Chicago Tribune has an article on a very cool looking prototype of a single axle motorbike - similar to a segway personal transporter thing.

There was a good discussion going on at asbo Jesus blog about the language used in church - it is open to all, particularity, is it more feminine. Here, Matt Redman talks briefly about some of the language that he has used in his own songs

The onion follow up the american tradition amongst evangelicals to home-school their children, with a funny article on home-churching.

So this is Great Britain
The welfare state, & NHS
Great British Institutions?
Some think they're in a mess

So this Is Great Britain
That once ruled the waves
An Empire and a Commonwealth?
Now issues ASBO's if one misbehaves

So this is Great Britain
The Mother of Democracy?
The House of Commons and Lords
Ensuring justice & liberty?

So this is Great Britain
Where God saves the Queen
A land of hope & glory?
You can vote at age eighteen

So this is Great Britain
Are the pensioners in poverty?
They've never had it so good?
They're all having a nice cup of tea

So this is Great Britain
A class system breeding inequality
Education, Education, Education?
Needing a dose of political honesty

So this is Great Britain
Still the mother of the free?
The police, council, & MI5
Are watching you or watching me

Anyway, in this new book (actually published last December), barrister Horace Rumpole is retained once again by his most faithful clients, the Timson family. This time, an “Anti-Social Behaviour Order” is being sought against twelve-year-old Pete Timson for chasing a ball into an upscale neighborhood and annoying one of its residents. Rumpole takes on the defense.

Despite my modest familiarity with legal terminology, I had never heard of an “Anti-Social Behaviour Order.” (Neither had Rumpole.) In Rumpole Misbehaves, Mortimer describes it as a new procedure under English law that lets a magistrate issue an order against someone who may be accused of nothing more than bothering someone. Then, if the person violates the order, he's committed a crime and can go to jail.

And so, in Mortimer's story, a woman has accused young Timson of disturbing her peace and tranquility merely by playing football in her street. (The author apparently means “soccer.”)  Rumpole tries to to defend the boy in Magistrate's Court with a speech extolling the ancient liberties of the English people, but his words fall on deaf bureaucratic ears.

At first I assumed that Mortimer was making this up. Surely an English magistrate could not simply order you not to do something – in essence, make up a new law that applies only to you – and then give you a criminal record if you do it anyway!

Even less could I believe that an “Anti-Social Behaviour Order” could be issued, as happens in Mortimer's story, on hearsay evidence, without the complainer’s even coming into the magistrate’s court.

But I had never before detected elements of Orwellian fantasy in Mortimer's writing, so I did a little research and was alarmed to find that “Anti-Social Behaviour Orders" are all too real. They are already so well known in England that the acronym (asbo) is usually written in lower case.

I found that it doesn’t take much for someone to be given an asbo. A person can get one for nothing more than – here’s what the statute says – “conduct which caused or was likely to cause alarm, harassment, distress, or harm” to someone outside your own home.

So proceedings like the one against Rumpole’s client are entirely possible, and not uncommon. A person really can go to jail – for up to five years, two if he's a minor – for violating an asbo. And a magistrate really can issue an asbo on nothing more than hearsay.

Don’t think this can be blamed on Margaret Thatcher. This law seems to have been one of the first measures the Labour Party passed in 1998 after it took power. ASBOs seem to be a bit controversial in Britain, but they are apparently around to stay, and old-fashioned ideas of due process aren't allowed to interfere.

In the United States, surely, such a law would surely not stand. Our courts would strike down a statute like this as unconstitutionally vague, and our Bill of Rights gives people accused of crimes the right to be confronted by our accusers, not convicted on hearsay.

But the Brits seem to be systematically untethering themselves from their heritage of individual liberty. "ASBOs" are just one of a number of sobering legal "innovations" in the UK. Unfortunately, they coincide with an internationalist trend in American jurisprudence in which some Supreme Court judges look at what the Europeans are doing to help them interpret our own Constitution.

Sadly, England can no longer be relied on as a fellow keeper of the Anglo-American tradition of personal liberty. We're on our own now.

Having given up on broadcast telly a few years back, I completely missed The Ghost Squad, but thanks to the power of thee t*r*e*t, it's fair impressed me.

It's about a secretive anti-corruption unit within the police (based on the one which earned investigative journalists Laurie Flynn and Michael Gillard their marching orders from The Grauniad courtesy of that prissy prick Alan Rusbridger, you may recall), into which young copper Amy Harris (Elaine Cassidy) is recruited. It's not the usual few-bad-apples hypothesis; pretty much every jack is shown as bent, just to different degrees and towards different ends. There are no happy endings. And whilst counter-intuition sometimes helps direct the viewer to whodunnit, invariably it doesn't really matter, because the point seems to be in highlighting the dysfunction of organisations such as the police, where personal qualities and discretion rub uncomfortably with corporate goals and discipline.

In episode four, the from-the-headlines hook revolves around anti-social behaviour, sink estates and girl gangs. Peeler-haters may revel in the beating an off-duty constable takes off a posse of feral minxes, one of whom takes the time to squat over their unconscious prey in order to piss her primacy into his bloodsoaked body.

Lazy shorthand: Between The Lines meets The Cops by way of (GF Newman's) Law And Order.

We received an official letter this morning telling us to "take steps to ensure our cockerels do not cause noise nuisance to our neighbours".

The letter went on to warn us that "the Local Authority is obliged to investigate complaints of noise and to take action if they consider it to be a nuisance".

After reading the letter, I contacted the Environmental Health section and spoke to an officer who told me we had to stop the cockerels crowing or face court action.

It's irrelevant that we live more than two miles from a built-up area, that this is a working croft in the country, and that the "anonymous" informer's house is at least 50 metres from the nearest cockerel box with stone walls, a tree, a road and a garage in between. (Yes, we know very well who the informer is, but we all have to pretend we don't.)

It's also irrelevant that our other neighbours, who live much closer to the chicken area, have no problems with them crowing.

It's also irrelevant that our "anonymous" informer told us five years ago that he had no problems with our plans to breed poultry as "cockerels crowing are a noise of the country" and even gave us the 50-bird house.

And it's also irrelevant that our "anonymous" informer has complained about us to numerous other government departments, both local and Scottish for various perceived offences, or that he used noise complaints to harass previous owners of the croft, or that he's fallen out without everyone on every farm near him.

No, as far as the law is concerned, noise becomes a nuisance when a "sensitive receptor" feels it is a nuisance—a nicely loose and all encompassing definition. (Just as the UK government defines anti-social behavour as "any activity that impacts on other people in a negative way".)

The onus is on us to prove that any noise from our cockerels is not a nuisance to our informing neighbour. And how do we do that?

But all of this is merely irritating.

What makes me really, really angry is that the British system has become increasingly like the old DDR regime with apparatchiks deploying the might of the state to squash people who allegedly step out of line—based entirely on the word of secret informers.

When I pointed this out to the officer I spoke with, she was at a loss and had no understanding of what I was saying.

I explained that our "anonymous" informant likes to report us to all matter of officials, who then swing the might of the law into action without questioning the informant's motivation, without considering why they like to be anonymous, and without giving the accused the opportunity to know who their accuser is or the alleged evidence against them.

All that matters is that "you" have been accused and now "we" will investigate, demand compliance and prosecute. All without knowing who made the accusations in the first place.

I said it reminded me of the Dreyfuss affair—except we are accused because we are "farmers" and not Jewish, and our informant makes no secret of his hatred for farmers, their handouts and their easy life.

The poor environmental health officer was even more lost, especially when I asked who was going to write a J'accuse letter on our behalf.

She fell back on example, telling me about the person at Kemnay who'd had a crowing cockerel (well, don't they all?) until the council had acted on behalf of neighbours and sought a court order. The result—no more cockerel.

Needless to say, I wasn't surprised that the Government tonight won the vote to extend detention without trial or charge to 42 days.

As a society, we're monitored by CCTV and computers, spied on by our anonymous neighbours, spied on by any number of official agencies (including councils checking that your children are going to the right school), denied the right to know our accuser and the evidence against us, and now if we are suspected of being involved in certain offences we can be banged up without trial or charge.

How long will it be before imprisonment without trial or charge will be extended to other "offences"?

And don't laugh—legal "creep" has already seen a Scottish cockerel threatened with an anti-social behaviour order while in England an attempt was made to serve an ASBO on farmer to stop his pigs escaping.

I'm now awaiting a visit from an environmental health officer next week to inspect the croft, and wondering what our anonymous informant will tip the authorities off to next.

We've already had the animal welfare complaints, so what's left?

Pigs shagging perhaps? Encouraging noisy wildlife? Loudly swishing my scythe? Croft not tidy enough?Or just hanging our washing out on the Sabbath?

I was on the train from St. Pancras to Sheffield earlier today and couldn't concentrate on my revision or reading because two guys behind were to busy talking loudly to some 16 year old girl (who was the other side of me). She was talking about herself being a mother, her having an ASBO and breaking it by being on the train, and that her boyfriend is in prison for brandishing a firearm. Obviously she didn't word it like that, I think she said 'my fella got nicked and locked up for showing his shooter to someone". Oooh, bet he did.

I honestly couldn't have cared less.

People like this make me realise the youth of today are actually doomed. More than anything they were are damn loud. And before you ask, yes I did ask them to shut up, but that didn't do anything.

KURT COBAIN'S ASHES STOLEN

Courtney Love is said to be suicidal" after a teddy bear shaped bag containing the ashes of her late husband, grunge rock legend Kurt Cobain, was stolen from her Los Angeles home, according to reports. "I can't believe anyone would take Kurt's ashes from me." Love says "I find it disgusting and right now I'm suicidal." No surprise there. Courtney makes Keith Richards look like a temperance advocate. Love said the ashes-filled bag, along with thousands of dollars worth of jewelry and clothes, were taken from her home sometime in May. Why was there, expensive jewery in there? And clothes? You're wearing Kurt ash covered clothes? "If I don't get them back I don't know what I'll do," she said. Knowing her, she was probably passed out on the bathroom floor while they were stealing them. After Cobain's death in 1994, portions of his ashes were scattered at a Buddhist temple in New York and in the Wishkah River near his birth home of Aberdeen, Wash. The rest of his remains stayed with his widow, who said she "used to take them everywhere with me just so I could feel Kurt was still with me. Now it feels like I have lost him all over again." You're the idiot that stored jewelry in there. Right now Kurt's ashes are probably being twisted up in a doobie somewhere. You know ashes to bong ashes.

MAN GETS WASHERS STUCK ON PENIS

I'm not sure how this happened. Actually I'm not sure I want to know how this happened, but a man in Hornsby, Australia underwent surgery to have 16 washers removed from his penis. He had first called the local firemen to come and help get them off, but when they were unsuccessful after trying for over an hour. He was transported to the local hospital. What I want to know is did these professionals maintain a professional attitude throughout or did they, as I would have, burst out in a fit of laughter at the absudity of this yo-yo's plight. At the hospital he underwent three hours of surgery to extricate the trapped appendage. The origin of this had to be some drunken bet. I know don't ask, don't tell. It's reported that he won't undergo any lasting permanent effects from the mishap. No one knows how this happened and his name has not been released. I wouldn't want my name released either.

ELVIS TERRORIZES SMALL TOWN IN ENGLAND

For those of you that are still out looking for Elvis, we've found him in England. He's been harrassing the residents of Wilsden, West Yorkshire and they are about to slap him with an anti social behavior citation. Yes, Elvis is creating a public nuisance of himself. Elvis, has been accused of dive-bombing people and wrecking street lights when owner Edward Pikul lets him out. Dive-bombing, owner letting him out? Oh that's right, this Elvis is a parrot. He also acts like a juvenile delinquent. 'He is a lovely pet and would never harm anybody. If I had to imprison him in his cage, I would rather get rid of him,' said 49-year-old Mr Pikul. 'It's true Elvis has a mischievous streak, he knows a few swear words and his shriek is quite loud but he's an ­abs­olute joy to have.' But one resident complained: "The bird is a nuisance. Just because he likes the parrot doesn't mean he should terrorise the whole village with it. Elvis is just a mad old thing, he follows me when I go to work. He clings on to the van roof and holds on for dear life, then flies around until he feels like coming home." I'm picturing this and I keep coming up with a Benny Hill skit. Not everyone is against Elvis. He has local fans. Pikul and his daughter Melissa, pictured below with Elvis, are receiving calls and emails supporting Elvis and his wayward lifestyle. "He is gorgeous and to see him flying around is magnificent,' said Helen Smith, anti-social behaviour officer for Bradford Council. 'But he has a dark side." Stay away from the dark side Elvis.

Ha-ha! ...and it REALLY gets wild when the preach IS the worship leader! LOL!

ht ASBOJesus

Or at least, Jacqui Smith has¹, with the latest call to exercise playground tactics on "problem" youths:

Youths who persistently misbehave and intimidate others in their communities should be "harassed themselves", Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has said.

She said she wanted police in England and Wales to "turn the tables" on those who would not "live by the rules".

This could include repeated home visits and checks to identify benefit fraud or council and road tax non-payment.

Ummm. What? What?! WHAT?!

This is possibly the stupidest idea that I've heard come out of the government in ages, and I've been paying close attention for a long time. It ranks up there with Blair's plan to march yobs to cashpoints to pay on-the-spot fines to avoid "clogging" the court system and the Cones Hotline.

This is further evidence, were it needed, of the degenerating state of the government, although it has to be said that announcing meaningless soundbite policies as a means to distract the public in times of political crisis is not something new, either for Labour or anyone else.

The actual plan itself seems curiously devoid of even the slightest connection to reality, though, even for a Punch and Judy policy like this one. While it's obvious that the policy is itself nothing more than a distraction from recent problems, like the credit crunch, local council election defeats and the rising backbench rebellion against the changes in the tax rates, it seems a spectacularly inept one, if only because it is so easy to dismiss as having even the slightest credibility.

The principle idea is absurd – it makes a mockery of the law and greater society by turning the reduction of youth crime and social problems into a playground activity. It becomes a push-me-pull-you situation, a Stooges model of politics. That is enough to condemn it, in my opinion; the law should not be getting into slap fights.

There are other reasons, though, to oppose the very idea – a very clear and obvious one being that it is a reactive policy. It addresses the symptom —youth crime and social ills—rather than its causes, and does so badly. It's a sticking plaster on a decapitation. If we want to be reducing antisocial behaviour, we need to be looking to the root causes, like poverty, insufficient education and lumpenproletarian attitudes². These three are all issues which the present government and its predecessor under Blair have failed to address: poverty and income inequality are on the rise; the education system is a confused and tangled mess, and getting worse with every misguided and ridiculous new scheme foisted on schools; and for some people, it pays more to be on the dole than in work, fostering an intergenerational ladder of the unwilling to be employed.

Policies by slogan like "harass the harassers" won't do anything to fix the problem, and will simply create more problems in their turn – by forcing police and other public servants to engage in harassment tactics, the policy would put unnecessary strains on an already overburdened system and prevent them from effectively working in areas which actually need their presence. In essence, what it would be doing would be exacerbating the problems it would supposedly be fixing.

This strategy is ridiculous on its face; it won't work and would in fact worsen the problem, which seems to be an ongoing theme with the present administration.

We need real policies which address the real causes of problems, not these preposterous feel-good schemes. We need options for change, rather than soundbites dressed up as strategies.

Some Labour ministers have tried to spin the reduction in the numbers issued to show that they work as crime is on the decrease. That highlights why Labour got hammered in the recent local elections. People know that there are more out-of-control teenagers on the loose across the land; why don’t the politicians?

Sorry if you're offened by this. But it was just a thought XD

Admittedly, most of us wouldn't be this honest. But if we were.... well...

I believe the guy on the right represents a LOT of the people we encounter every day.

What do you think?

From the EDP:

Teenage Norwich City striker Chris Martin has been banned from nearly every pub in Waveney after complaints about his behaviour.

The 19-year-old is not allowed to enter any of the 68 pubs in Beccles, Bungay, Halesworth and Southwold after being barred from one in his home town of Beccles. The EDP understands that the ban relates to a fight outside the White Horse pub in New Market, Beccles, earlier this year, although the footballer may not have been directly involved.

Under the town's Nightsafe pub watch scheme, being banned from one means being banned from all those who are members of the scheme. A ban is in place for 12 months and leads to a picture and description of the person being circulated around the pubs.

Paul Burch, from the White Horse, said: "He used to drink in here and now he is on Pub Watch."

He said that the incident in question "allegedly" happened outside the pub.

Norwich City said it was investigating the matter and would not comment until this had happened.

Suffolk police were unable to comment but said that Mr Martin had not been arrested.

The 5ft 10in striker became a fans' favourite towards the end of the 2006/07 season, scoring five goals in 20 games. He also scored on his debut for the England under-19s, when he came on as a late substitute in a 1-0 victory against Turkey in March 2007.

However he has found it much harder this season and has only started three league games - two since Glenn Roeder took over as Norwich manager - and has not scored. In March Mr Roeder said that Mr Martin and fellow former youth team player Michael Spillane had "had it too easy."

"They have been told too many good things about themselves and it's done them no good at all.They need to be a bit more hungry."

Makes you proud doesn't it?